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Make a really, really confusing card

Ahh, the confusing card, it's very is beautiful, really. So, to increase the amount of beauty in the good green Earth, let's fill it to the brim with super confusing cards! By "Super Confusing Cards" I mean, like, you have to read it again and again and even then you don't understand. You can use uncards and stuff like that, but it has to look like WotC would actually print it -even in an unset- so basically, use actual art, and don't make a "Trump" card! Here's one that I made!

image
http://mtgcardsmith.com/view/confusing-archer

Other Rules:
1. You are allowed to change your card any amount before the contest ends
2. You can only use an original card that you made.
3. Max number of entries is three.
4. You CAN use uncards, but don't have something like Donald Trump.
5. Please have correct MTG language, since I get really bothered by incorrect MTG language.

I will be judging you based on:
- Balance
- Creativity
- Templating (including spelling, grammar, punctuation and spacing)
- Art selection (using existing MtG art is strongly discouraged)
- Flavor (Not flavor text, just how well the abilities fit with the art and name)

Rewards:
1st: I will follow you, favorite 3 cards of your choice, and you get to choose an honorable mention.
2nd: I will favorite 3 cards of your choice.
3rd: I will favorite 2 card of your choice
Honorable Mention(s): I will favorite 1 card of your choice

I will be judging on January 27th, 2017. (14 days from when this contest was created)
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