Wording Help

jazipajazipa
edited December 2016 in Custom Card Discussion
In this discussion, people are free to show each other cards with wording they're not sure on, and we can all help each other out. Just something simple to improve the quality of mtgcardsmith cards.
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Comments

  • jazipajazipa
    http://mtgcardsmith.com/view/bruise-bard-1 Not sure on the wording for the brawl mechanic
  • TheClayKnightTheClayKnight
    Sure. Why not?

    I came up with a mechanic i'm calling "Mount X"
    http://mtgcardsmith.com/view/lasagna-crab?list=user
    I think it works written as is, but I'd really like to make it more concise. And if there are problems I didn't see I'd be glad to hear them.
  • jazipajazipa
    edited December 2016
    @TheClayKnight: Tap an untapped creature you control: (I know they can still have summoning sickness, but there's not uch you can do) Choose one: That creature mounts Lasange Crab or; that creature dismounts Lasange Crab. No more than three creatures may be mounting Lasange Crab.

    I think I made it more complicated, bout it's the best I can do :/
  • TheClayKnightTheClayKnight
    @jazipa The wording on brawl seems a bit awkward. I'd try an altered version of Fight's reminder text:
    "Each deals damage equal to its power to the other. Repeat this process until one or both creatures dies."

    Side note: if two indestructible creatures brawled, the game would end in a draw.
  • jazipajazipa
    "To brawl, each brawling creature loses indestructible and all protection. Then each brawling creature deals damage equal to its power to each other. Repeat this process until one or more creatures dies."

    The best I can do.
    @TheClayKnight
  • TheClayKnightTheClayKnight
    @jazipa I think "until one or both" is better than "until one or more" because only 2 creatures can be brawling at once. "both" removes the ambiguity. You also don't need "to brawl" since the reminder text for Fight is just "Each deals damage equal to its power to the other."

    So I would do:
    Each creature loses indestructible and all protection. Then each deals damage equal to its power to the other. Repeat this process until one or both creatures dies.
  • DomriKadeDomriKade
    This is going to get quite messy if you start removing indestructible and protections, mostly because you need to specify a duration for those effects. Plus, if the creature has protection from white, how are your white creatures brawling with it anyway? Maybe another colored card effect?

    "Those creatures lose indestructible and all protection abilities until the end of the brawl." doesn't look great but it covers what you're looking for. You could also go for the route of "Repeat this process until at least one creature has lethal damage marked on it. When a creature has lethal damage assigned to it, its owner sacrifices it."

    Finally, the grammatically correct way to word this effect would be, "... it brawls with another target creature." Hope this helps!
  • jazipajazipa
    @TheClayKnight if you look at my card Doomsday, you can see the idea for brawl. It was originally duel, but that limited it to only teo creatures and I want more creatures to possibly brawl.
    @DomriKade here is the updated card: http://mtgcardsmith.com/view/bruise-bard-2
  • TheClayKnightTheClayKnight
    @jazipa brawling with more than 2 creatures would be... messy. There's a reason fight is always just two target creatures.
  • jazipajazipa
    @TheClayKnight what's messy about it? It might be a bit weird dealing damage to each creature but you'd only have to do it one (generally)
  • GelectrodeGelectrode
    This card has a lot going on. Before I submit it into a contest, can I make sure that it works?

    http://mtgcardsmith.com/view/eldre-minimage
  • jazipajazipa
    @Gelectrode the +1 should read "Target permanent you control becomes a creature with base power and toughness 1/1 until your next turn."
    the -1 should be "You get an emblem with "At the beginning of combat on your turn, target creature with power and toughness 1/1 gets +1/+2 until end of turn.""
    The order of the abilities should also be: +1/-X/-1 (As -X is put only after + abilities and 0 abilities.)
  • jazipajazipa
    Can somebody please tell me how you would word a card that simply let you sacrifice a creature at any time? I can't just say "Sacrifice a creature:" But I don't want it to have a cost or positive effect.
  • Biblio3Biblio3
    @jazipa If it's a spell, it would just say "You sacrifice a creature." If it's on a permanent, it could say "You may sacrifice creatures at any time."
  • CorwinnnCorwinnn
    or you could say {0}: Sacrifice a creature if it has lint on it.
    or whatever
  • Biblio3Biblio3
    @Corwinnn That would have been the normal solution, but "0:" is a cost, which jazipa wants to avoid for some reason.
  • jazipajazipa
    @Biblio3 I meant I don't want a cost that you would pay. I just don't want the player to gain or lose anything other than the creature.
    @Corwinn what was the lint thing? I don't get it.
  • KJMartinKJMartin
    @jazipa
    Yeah, @Corwinnn's wording would probably be the best here (although I don't know what the lint bit means). I'd compare it to Kazuul's Toll Collector.
  • Biblio3Biblio3
    @jazipa That's a cost and effect. The thing about lint is just a joke by Corwinnn.
  • AnimistAnimist
    @Corwinnn - Weren't you warned about the damage that your jokes can do?

    @jazipa - But, yeah, Corwinnn's right. Just put "0: Sacrifice a creature."
  • GelectrodeGelectrode
    Hello again, here is another go at the planeswalker. What I am trying to do is to make the emblem make all of your opponents creature's small. Does this work?

    http://mtgcardsmith.com/view/khava-mistress-of-might
  • AnimistAnimist
    edited January 2017
    @Gelectrode

    The WotC way of wording it would probably be: "Creatures your opponents control have base power and toughness 1/1."

    [Unless you weren't intending to restrict it to base p/t, although the problem there is confusion (see original vs oracle text for Godhead of Awe: http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=godhead+of+awe)]

    Also, I might question whether shrinking things is in green's part of the colour pie. Green is usually about making their creatures small by making yours huge.
  • AnimistAnimist
    Would anyone be willing to take a look at the wording for this one please?

    http://mtgcardsmith.com/view/shapeform-parade-3?list=user

    It's a bit weird but I've tried to explain the intention in the comments. Any suggestions appreciated!
  • GelectrodeGelectrode
    Thanks, @Animist!

    I remade it one more time with different abilities. Does this work?
  • AnimistAnimist
    edited January 2017
    @Gelectrode

    The wording is technically fine but there are a couple of issues:

    1) The first ability should be "target creature you control." Otherwise you can stop your opponent's creatures from attacking which I'm guessing wasn't your intention.

    2) I still think shrinking your opponent's creatures in the last ability is a bit weird for green. It's not so much Mistress of Might as Mistress of Minuscule and IMO doesn't feel very green. What if it just boosted the P/T of your creatures instead?

    3) This is probably an insignificant point but I don't know if emblems are 'created' and I don't know if the game tracks where emblems come from. It's probably fine and it's a pretty cool ability but just a heads up that some research into the rules might be needed to make sure.
  • CorwinnnCorwinnn
    @jazipa - No one knows what the lint is for, we just know it comes from deep inside the Lint Mines
  • Biblio3Biblio3
    @Corwinnn Wasn't it used to paint the Mona Linta?
  • CorwinnnCorwinnn
    LoL @Biblio3
  • jazipajazipa
    @Corwinnn o_O
  • TheClayKnightTheClayKnight
    @Corwinnn the Linterist 3RG
    Legendary Creature - Squirrel
    Whenever Corwinnn the Linterist damages a creature, put a lint counter on it.
    Whenever a red source damages a creature with a lint counter on it, its owner sacrifices it.
    2/4
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