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Corwinnn VS. KrampisZman
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You should total click on False Victory! But here's the link to the actual card page.
https://mtgcardsmith.com/view/brainifyer-the-slightly-evil
Why destroy them when they can destroy themselves?
Example:
Totally not mixing 2 storylines here...
The plains darkened as night fell and the watch of the squirrel empire doubled in intensity. Reports from the south had told of a Bidoof army, stronger than any yet to be seen was coming this way. With all eyes turned to the south, no-one noticed a small movement out the north gate, slowing moving to the nearest tree and disappearing into the night.
When the squirrel finally stopped, he paused to consider his directions. He had only been to the place he was looking for once and that was in the day. Now a night, he was even more lost. Soon however he found what he was hoping for, a large tree with a wooden door at the base. Knocking on the door, he waited, until, to his delight, the door opened to reveal a small dwarf with a white beard.
After much discussion, the squirrel left in the direction the dwarf pointed hoping against hope that the animal that was needed was there. As luck would have it, soon out of the forest, a small movement in the grass provided the result the squirrel was after.
"Reepicheep" said Pattertwig in relief. "We need you urgently. The Bidoofs are taking over the lands of the squirrels. We need you."
Being the good friend Reepicheep was, and the coming boredom of the writer, Reepicheep went with Pattertwig back to the castle Pattertwig was from, where there was a massive war with hundreds dead each side. The Squirrels were falling back, unable to stand the might of the superior numbers of the Bidoofs. Pattertwig raised the remnants of squirrel archers and Reepicheep lead the remaining squirrels back into battle where the Bidoofs were slain.
Many Squirrels died that day, but as the bodies were cleaned up, Reepicheep was celebrated as a hero and Pattertwig as well.
Reepicheep:
Squirrel archer (Pattertwig)
@Gelectrode If you want your fanfic from earlier to be judged, you need to repost it here.
@Everyone if you want any previous Squirrel and/or Bidoof cards from Corwinnn's Downfall judged, repost them here as either a small picture, or a link only, as @Blazin_Biscuit did.
It was the day of the great confrontation between @KrampisZman and @Corwinnn. The ashen gray swirling skies hung heavy over the windswept and desolate hillside. Yellowed grass on the hillocks rippled in the silent wind. The air stank of wet earth, ozone, and foreboding. It was oddly quiet, like the forces of nature themselves were holding their breaths, waiting for something and everything.
Soon, marching could soon be heard behind the tallest of the rolling hills, the sound of trudging paws and murmuring wheezes. The first creature to crest the hillock was @KrampisZman, a tired but proud beaver clad in iron armor. He carried with his wooden sword a weathered standard depicting a silly Pokemon. Next came his advisor, a smaller beaver with the name @BradXmagic. Once, he had been a warrior of @Corwinnn, a great and merciful leader, but betrayed him/her to join his new dark lord. Finally came the army, a hundred exhausted beavers with comical faces. Less than half of the beavers carried weapons, nothing more than wooden cudgels. None had armor. But all were wearied and weak, for cartoon beavers are not used to marching. They were the Bidoof, ghastly deformed monstrosities that so unfortunately plagued the MTGCardsmith world.
The army waited at the top of the hillock, watching nervously for any sign of their adversary. @KrampisZman continued smirking, desperate to look confident to his ragtag soldiers. @BradXmagic scratched his beaver armpits indifferently. Some of the Bidoof soldiers began to lay down, exhausted by their travels. The Bidoof waited on top of the ominous hillside, reluctantly ready for their battle against @Corwinnn.
But nobody came. No royal emissary announcing unconditional surrender. No @Corwinnn stumbling up the hill and begging for forgiveness. Not even a squirrel.
@KrampisZman began to smile. He thought the cowardly @Corwinnn fled before his army, and that he won the battle. The Bidoof commander turned to address his comrades.
A sudden gust of icy wind swept through the valley, knocking over several Bidoof soldiers. The sky darkened, shifting from a shifting gray slate to a churning black maelstrom. @KrampisZman's ears popped, and he moaned in pain. Then he heard @BradXmagic's yell of astonishment and terror.
It was difficult for @KrampisZman to discern what the blubbering and whimpering @BradXmagic had saw at first. But then he saw it among the rumbling clouds. And so did every other unfortunate Bidoof on the wretched valley.
Etched in the whirling sky above, in unbelievably massive proportions, was the jet-black Squirreltopia set symbol, dread sigil of the MTGCardsmith admin @Corwinnn.
The image burned itself into @KrampisZman's beaver mind, eclipsing reality in its awesome grandeur. He could not hear himself screaming as his sanity unraveled. He could not hear every other Bidoof screaming as their collective sanity unraveled. But @KrampisZman, with the last dregs of consciousness, could feel the earth and the heavens splitting open as deity of unfathomable power entered the world.
The events that followed were so spectacular and monumental, that only Gelectrode's award-winning book Top Ten Most Violent Battles and Why Niv-Mizzet Isn't At Fault could fully describe what happened. Below is such an excerpt:
"And the clouds did part, and the lightning did zag, and from the blessed heavens, our blessed admin @Corwinnn did speaketh: 'Bringeth thine a moste righteous and painful death to thee Bidoofs, and let thine Squirrels reign until the day the Sun explodeth, the Moon crasheth into thine Earth, and Magic Players stopeth complaining.' And lo and behold, He/She made it so. Eth."
From every conceivable and inconceivable corner of the world, legions of bloodthirsty squirrels erupted onto the doomed world. The pounding of their tiny paws ground the landscape into powder as they advanced upon the comatose Bidoof army. Everything warped from the dissonant chattering and war cries uttered by the divine army hellbent on Armageddon. The middling Bidoof army and their foolish leader were devoured. Nothing marked their passing other than muffled squeals, a bloody red haze, and a shattered empty world.
It would be hours until the sun would weakly come out under the sullen black clouds, to reveal a world of devastation. Nothing remained of the epic Bidoof Massacre. The squirrel army, before leaving to conquer the rest of the world, consumed the bones and licked the barren wasteland clean of blood. But it was a happy day, a day of learning and justice, for the Bidoof army had learned a valuable lesson they would never again learn.
( Unfortunately, @Tigersol's rebellion of Penguins would not learn this lesson in time...)
Are you saying that I fought the Squirrels?!
@Tigersol, just you wait... @Corwinnn keeps a special list of how every cardsmith has inconvenienced him/her, and waits for the perfect moment to strike. Remember @KJMartin? You are not supposed to. @Corwinnn's working hard to make sure nobody remembers his mysterious departure.
[insert maniacal cackling]
If you are saying the squirrel army is going on a campaign to rule the world, should I be worried?
I thought hard about it and went, If I side with @Corwinnn, the squirrels won't eat me.
Yet.
You say what to the person failing english?
"I've already spotted at least three minor health and safety violations." The health inspector said breathlessly.
"Pfft." Brainifyer replied. "Minor. Nothing in this building is minor. I pride myself in that."
"But regulation-"
'Pfft!" Brainifyer pffted while typing a complicated password into a heavy door's keypad.
"Here you can see the mutant pens, where I keep my star creations. We base the design on the DNA of other lifeforms. Our esteemed Planeswalker @Blazin_Biscuit stole planar bridge technology from Kaladesh so we're free to harvest specimens from all over the multiverse. Ah, this ones my favourite."
https://mtgcardsmith.com/view/brainifyers-devourer
"We fused the DNA from dead squirrels and fallen Bidoofs over an Eldarzi base. That thing was a squirrel once. Ironic."
"It's hideous..." muttered the health inspector.
"What? I didn't quite get that." replied Brainifyer. But he did, and took note of it.
"Nothing." the inspector hurriedly answered. "So, uh, where's the proper bit of the lab? You know, where all the science stuff happens?"
"Ah." Brainifyer's eyes lit up like a burning corpse. "You want to see the Safe Teseting Lab."
The two of them marched through a twisting labyrinth of small rooms, doors and closets. The inspector jotted down on his notebook constantly.
They ended up several floors beneath where they began. The very air was thick with anticipation as Brainifyer typed a password into a keypad and scanned each finger one at a time.
"Here we are!" Brainifyer announced.
https://mtgcardsmith.com/view/safe-testing-lab
"This is where we create my mutants and conduct all our testing. I personally overview this section of the lab." Brainifyer looked over the Safe Testing Lab with fondness you'd only expect from a parent gazing upon their first child.
"This violates so many regulations I think I'll have to take it down." the inspector said with all the forcefulness he could muster. It wasn't much.
Brainifyer gave him a look that clearly indicated he was wondering whether a mutant based on his DNA wouldn't be too pathetic to fetch coffee.
"Anyway." the inspector coughed. "I was wondering. The Bidoof army looks pretty strong. I mean. Wasn't it destroyed a while ago? I read about it in @Gelectrode 's Top Ten Most Violent Battles and Why Niv-Mizzet Isn't At Fault. I mean. How did you recover?"
Brainifyer looked at him strangely then said:
"Only a hundred or so Bidoofs died that day. The Bidoofs are millions, across all planes. It was a false victory. We allowed the squirrels to gain the illusion of superiority, so we could build a devastating force. We simply elected some willing volunteers to play the parts of @KrampisZman and @BradXmagic. I thought you'd know this. Everyone does."
"Well, I uh. I mean."
"Come to think of it, why would Lord Krampis send in a health inspector? He never lets puny things like safety get in the way of progress. Who are you?"
Brainifyer reached forward and pulled at the inspectors face, revealing the squirrel behind. The squirrel hissed and pulled out a sword.
"For @Corwinnn !" he shouted, and swung at Brainifyer. Brainifyer caught the sword in his hand. The blade dug deep into his palm, but pain was nothing. The squirrel assassin tried to pull it put, but failed. With a swift kick Brainifyer ended his assassination attempt, sending the squirrel over the side into a huge vat.
https://mtgcardsmith.com/view/execute-squirrel
A few weeks later...
Brainifyer walked into his office in the Safe Testing Lab and fell down on his favourite chair. He snapped his fingers. A lurching mutant that sort of resembled a squirrel wearing the tattered remains of a suit shambled in with his coffee. Brainifyer the Slightly (Very) Evil grinned and took a sip.
Then spat it out. It was disgusting.
The lightly armored and armed bidoof just raised her eyebrow to the stranger.
"Halt, who are you? And please state your intention." Commanded the bidoof.
"Well, I'm just a tradesman who's currently lost in the jungle." Stated him with a smirk, while was also still holding a bunch of weapon blueprints in his backpack.
"This is Lord Krampis's territory and you could be a spy. I'm sorry, but I must take you into custody, sir."
'Well, I can just planeswalk away anyway.' Thought the well-suited grey dog.
"Alright, just take me to your superior then."
With that they both then went into a nearest bidoof military camp. Along the way he couldn't see many bidoofs aside from his capturer.
Then the bidoof stopped in a paricular area inside of a thick vegetatition. Then beneath a bush, lies a well hidden secret way to an underground base. She then opened the secret tunnel.
"Get inside."
"Okay." He then went inside first, followed by the bidoof.
OOC: Can't make a walker. Currently there's no pc in the house. If someone wants to continue this story, I'm fine with that. Here's a legendary creature instead.
THE DRAGON ARMY WILL PREVAIL
I was a ally of @Corwinnn and helped in the great war. Are you trying to break the line of friendship between these two nations?
You must understand that I can't help you right now. I fear your betrayal and will retreat back to Antarctarkir. Once you have reassured me all is well I will fight and destroy all Bidoofs in my wake. Or Squirrels, if you betray me.