@cadstar369 looks like I've missed a lot of card reviews. Let's go all the way back to the first one I haven't given feedback on, Firestorm Pollen, since a lot was said but it doesn't sound like you got a satisfactory reason for the feedback you received. On the surface, it looks like just an asymmetric Everlasting Torment. However, it's in the asymmetry where the card gets so much more powerful
than Everlasting Torment, not that that's any great revelation. The first two abilities are completely situational and may either mean nothing to your opponent or randomly shut down a large part of their strategy. Let's split the difference and say it's pretty good for supporting an aggressive strategy, since it prevents your opponents from recouping life or stalling with damage prevention effects or creatures with protection.
It's the third ability that really tips Firestorm Pollen into undercosted range. The fact that only your opponents' creatures take damage as though the source had wither is really powerful. It means your small creatures are much more threatening and gain so much more utility against your opponents' large creatures, while your large creatures will always stay large as long as they survive combat each time. Wither means you don't even need to have enough small creatures at the same time to take down a large creature if you can keep pumping them out or bringing them back from the graveyard. This really disincentivizes your opponents from swinging in repeatedly with their large creature to threaten damage to you or pick off a small blocker for free every turn, since wither damage will eventually shrink their fatty until it no longer outclasses your creatures.
While this is obviously true for your opponents swinging into you (as well as you swinging into your opponents' larger defenders), the wording of Firestorm Pollen makes it so that your opponents can't freely swing into each other either, since the card doesn't modify how sources you control deal damage, but how creatures your opponents control receive damage. An asymmetric Everlasting Torment should really cost more than two mana because the asymmetry gets more powerful the more players there are in the game. As a thought exercise, I liken Firestorm Pollen to playing an individual Curse with the Everlasting Torment effect on every other player. Looking at it this way, the effect of three such curses for two mana in a game of Commander (despite Firestorm Pollen being a single card) seems quite overpowered.
Yes, it's harder to slot Firestorm Pollen into a deck because of the additional requirement of green. However, once it's in the deck, it's only marginally harder to play, going from red or black to Gruul or Golgari. As a comparison, Corrosive Mentor costs three mana and is way weaker than Firestorm Pollen because it only has the wither part of the effect, it only affects sources you control (so your opponents can still clash with each other unaffected), the effect only applies to your black creatures, and it's vulnerable to creature removal. Even if we take into account the "rule" of treating two colourless mana as equivalent to a single coloured mana, that might be enough to justify an actual Everlasting Torment at a cost of two, but the asymmetry of Firestorm Pollen would also demand a cost increase. I would cost it no less than {1}{b/r}{g}, and that's already accounting for power creep. Also, I'm not sure why the last ability specifies "permanents," since wither really only applies to creatures.
Frigid Fortification seems like a reasonable card that's costed correctly (it was a good call to make it cost 1UU instead of 2U). It's quite versatile, but the effect it has in each case also isn't as powerful as narrower, more focused cards like Propaganda, Ghostly Prison, or Kopala, Warden of Waves. I suggest wording the second ability like Battlefield Thaumaturge: "Spells your opponents cast cost [1] more to cast for each permanent you control it targets." Same with the third ability: "Abilities your opponents activate cost [1] more to activate for each permanent you control it targets." I'm assuming your intention wasn't for Frigid Fortification to have any effect on spells and abilities that target you, since you, as a player, aren't a target you control. Not much more to say beyond that.
I'm quite confused by Celestial Interference. The card is super narrow. It seems clearly inspired by Witchbane Orb (perhaps mashed up with Glaring Spotlight), but to what end? I don't know why it wouldn't just say "destroy all permanents you don't control attached to you and permanents you control," aside from to match the wording of the other abilities. Is it really that important to preserve your opponent's Bloodthirsty Blade and Hypnotic Siren when they can't attach other Equipment to creatures you control and all of their other Auras will just fall off and go to the graveyard anyway? I'll play along. I believe the term you're looking for is "unattach" instead of "detach," as seen in cards like Disarm and Fulgent Distraction. Here's an alternate way of wording the Celestial Interference:
As Celestial Interference enters the battlefield, unattach all permanents you don't control attached to you and permanents you control.
Permanents you don't control can't be attached to you or permanents you control.
Permanents can be attached to your opponents and permanents they control as though they had no abilities. Protection doesn't remove permanents attached to your opponents and permanents they control.
That's all for now, I'll provide thoughts on the remaining cards later.
Firestorm Pollen was originally created for a now-defunct campaign here, and while I was iffy on whether I should just turn it into Jund Everlasting Torment, I held off since it got a surprising number of favs. Once I get some better art for it, I'll make the third ability symmetrical.
Frigid Fortification is intended to protect the player from spells and abilities as well, which is why the wording is based on Hinata, Dawn-Crowned. I can't find any rule one way or the other about whether a player controls themself, but I'm assuming they do since the rulings on cards like Mindslaver mention that gaining control of yourself effectively does nothing. If that turns out to not be the case, having the second and third abilities protect the player will probably take more text than it's worth, so I'll reword them like you suggested.
The purpose of Celestial Interference should become clearer when you get to my new Dorian and Locrian. (In case they've changed when you get to them, they originally partnered with each other, but StuffnSuch's comment has me working on expanding them into a seven card series with an ability similar to friends forever.) Using unattach instead of destroy also incidentally gets around indestructible and such. I totally forgot about Witchbane Orb / Orbs of Warding when making this one though. ? Updated it with your suggested wording, but dropped the "attached to you and permanents you control" clause from the first ability since the total text was one line too long.
@cadstar369 With a symmetrical third ability for Firestorm Pollen, I think you can make a much better argument for it to only cost two mana.
Ah, I missed Hinata, Dawn-Crowned. I was sure Kopala was the inspiration You make a good point with Mindslaver, a player can be a target and if you can take control of another player, the assumption is that you start out controlling yourself. I guess Rule 720.9 also describes the normal game state. So far, there haven't been any cards that require explicit clarification that players control themselves by default, which explains why the wording of Frigid Fortification feels so foreign, but the logic for permanents and spells seems to hold for players as well, so there's no need to reword the abilities to get the effect you want.
Ah, I guess I'll have to reserve judgment until I get to Dorian and Locrian. Yes, it's true that unattaching can get rid of indestructible Auras. There currently aren't any that have built-in indestructibility that applies to itself (like Diplomatic Immunity with Shroud), but I guess cards like Heroic Intervention do exist. That's pretty incredible that you pretty much independently created a broader Witchbane Orb, it even affects Auras like Witchbane does. I like the new wording for the first ability, it's so much cleaner. Is there a reason why it has to be an "as" enters ability rather than "when" enters? Do you really need everything already unattached by the time Intervention hits the battlefield? Aside from that, I think the new wording works as intended.
@FireOfGolden We use proxy prints. It worked fine. I appreciate the reinforcement, but it works for what it was intended to be used for. We're brainstorming other ideas now. Thank you ?
@Jadefire if there was a reason for making Celestial Interference's first ability an 'as' instead of 'when', I neither recall it nor was it particularly strong; perhaps I'd been annoyed by too many Elesh Norn (ONE) players on Arena that day. ?
@Floodkiller45 In Cthulu's Clutches is nuts, though not necessarily through any fault of the card itself. While five colored pips and requiring a legendary creature or planeswalker sounds like a tall order, black has multiple rituals and any creature can become legendary after being tempted by the ring (to say nothing of black's plentiful legends with low mana value), which makes consistently casting In Cthulu's Clutches by turn 3 (effectively ending the game) a surprisingly reasonable proposition. Even when cast on curve, it's devastating against any opponent with more than a couple cards in hand (and for five mana you could easily cast a sweeper instead if their hand is empty).
I'd suggest making In Cthulu's Clutches only make the targeted player sacrifice nonland permanents, since the potential to sacrifice lands makes this far more backbreaking than similar effects like Invoke Despair. I'd also suggest this wording:
Target opponent sacrifices a nonland permanent for each card in their hand.
(I can't find any particularly good reference for this specific effect, so I went for making it as succinct as possible.) ~~~
I'd appreciate feedback on these cards: (For context regarding Phrygian, see Dorian and Locrian in previous posts.)
@cadstar369 Dorian and Locrian are an interesting pair and I can see why they were originally created with the Partner with mechanic, rather than Mystic duet. Mystic duet seems like just a functional reprint of Partner that creates a separate pool of creatures that can be played with each other but not with Partner creatures.
I think Dorian is an overall more fair card than Locrian. From my experience with Rebels and Mercenaries, I would've expected Dorian to go up the chain and Locrian to go down but, given their abilities, it makes sense the way it is. Reanimating down even allows Dorian's activated ability to situationally be used as removal on your opponent's permanents. Dorian seems to want to be played with Auras and Equipment that have either ETB or leaves the battlefield triggers, since you'll be cycling them into and out of your graveyard repeatedly. Of course, this can be mitigated with an Ondu Spiritdancer in the case of Auras. Throw in an Ajani's Chosen, Archon of Sun's Grace, Ashiok's Reaper, Knight of Doves, or Puresteel Paladin, and you can start generating value per activation.
There are pros and cons to choosing to focus on either Auras or Equipment with Dorian, but it seems Auras are generally better because they come with a greater variety of triggers, a greater variety of effects (that can affect players as well as your opponent's permanents), and you don't have to pay any equip cost on top of the mana cost before they can be used with Dorian. On the other hand, using Dorian's ability to bring back an Equipment card will result in it being automatically attached. Colossus Hammer and Belt of Giant Strength may be extreme examples of foregoing equip costs, but there are many other pieces of Equipment that can be made much better when they enter the battlefield already attached. The life gain is a nice bonus, but it'll be incidental in most case. The P/T to mana cost seem fine for what the body does, which is definitely helped by it having Vigilance, and the mana cost to activate its ability seems fine as well.
Locrian has a much more powerful and unfair ability, not because it can turn any cheap nonland card in your hand into an instant-speed Reanimate for Auras and Equipment (except less costly on the life loss end), but because it's reuseable turn after turn. Simply getting rid of the permanent that was brought back once isn't enough if Locrian is allowed to live, and it can do the same thing to another permanent the following turn if your opponent doesn't have interaction. In fact, each activation of it can fuel the next one (or a different card) because you could be discarding the card you'll be reanimating next turn, so its cost can be its own enabler. The only limitation is that you have to discard a card with lesser mana value.
Like with Dorian, Locrian puts Equipment onto the battlefield already attached, so there's a cost reduction to the mana cost as well as the equip cost. Unlike with Dorian, which has to attach the new permanent to the same permanent or player as the sacrificed one, Locrian has no such restriction. You can return anything you want from your graveyard to the battlefield as long as it can attach to something. Also, given that Auras and Equipment top out at eight mana, even losing that much life to get a Colossification, Eldrazi Conscription, Kaldra Compleat, or Overwhelming Splendor onto the battlefield at a discount is a really good deal. In a game of Commander, that's less than a quarter of your starting life, and Locrian even has Lifelink to mitigate that cost.
Aside from having symmetry with Dorian, I'm not sure why Locrian's ability should be able to target any player. Outside of emperor and two-headed giant, which are very niche cases, you wouldn't ever activate Locrian's ability for another player because you'd just be giving them the Reanimate and you're still the one on the hook for losing the life. Also, the mana cost to activate Locrian's ability has probably been set too low for the sake of symmetry, which should be sacrificed to balance the card. Given that the mana cost for the permanent being sacrificed to Dorian's ability has already been paid to get it onto the battlefield (and this cost is directly tied to how expensive a permanent you can reanimate), costing Dorian's ability at "{w}, {t}" is perfectly fine. However, no additional mana has been paid (or will ever be paid) for activating Locrian's ability, so the mana portion of its activation cost should probably be at least {2}{b}.
Now that I've seen Dorian and Locrian's abilities, I can see the intention behind Celestial Interference. However, the "permanents can't be prevented from being attached..." part of the card isn't necessary because of the way Dorian and Locrian work. They both put the reanimated card directly onto the battlefield already attached (like recruiting a Bound in Silence from your library). Hexproof, Shroud, Protection, and Ward won't stop this anyway, and once the permanent is on the battlefield and attached, Celestial Interference's last ability will prevent Protection from making it fall off.
The "permanents can't be prevented from being attached..." clause also won't help when casting Auras directly onto their targets or activating an ability to attach an Equipment or Fortification, because this is governed by the rules for resolving spells and abilities, which will cause the spell to go to the graveyard and the ability to fizzle if the target gains Hexproof, Shroud, or Protection before it resolves, because it's now an illegal target. You can't even choose those targets to begin with when declaring the casting of a spell or activating an ability if they're already illegal targets.
Most of the issues you brought up with Locrian definitely stem from the initial mirrored Battlebond-style partner idea I had for him and Dorian, which no longer works on a number of levels now that I'm working on expanding them into a set of seven creatures that function similarly to the Stranger Things friends forever cards (see Phrygian above for the first tentative addition).
Expanding the group puts Celestial Interference in a bit of an awkward position relative to it, but I'll probably edit it one more time since I still like the general idea. (I honestly wasn't sure how to word it since I couldn't find many relevant rulings or cards with even vaguely similar abilities; I appreciate the rules references on this one being more straightforward than I thought. ?)
What do you think of something like this for Locrian?
Mystic duet (You can have two commanders if both have mystic duet.)
Lifelink
{2}{b}{b}, {t}, Discard a nonland card: Return target permanent card that could be attached to a permanent or player from a graveyard to the battlefield attached to a permanent or player it could be attached to if it has greater mana value than the discarded card. If you do, you lose life equal to the difference. This ability costs {1} less to activate during your turn and {b} less to activate if it targets a card that isn't in your graveyard.
(Borrowed from cards like Hylda's Crown of Winter for the last line; might be overcomplicating things though.)
@cadstar369 True, Celestial Interference is a unique card that's entering a novel design space. The only cards that I can think of that have something to contribute to its wording are Benevolent Blessing for the protection part and Disarm and Fulgent Distraction for the unattaching all permanents part. Having thought about it more, I think the wording that retains the most consistency with existing rules would be:
When Celestial Convergence enters the battlefield, unattach all permanents you don't control from you and permanents you control.
Your opponent's can't attach permanents to you or permanents you control.
Protection doesn't remove permanents that are attached to your opponents or permanents they control.
If Celestial Interferenceis put in an awkward position by the addition of five more Mystic duet creatures in different colours, why not just make it a colourless enchantment along the lines of Witchbane Orb? Nothing Celestial Convergence does is particularly weighted towards one colour or another, especially given the narrowness of its effect. You'll just need to up its cost to {4} to balance the loss of colour requirements.
The new version of Locrian is much better. Stepping away from the strict symmetry with Dorian allows Locrian to have a personality of its own, and the cost of its activated ability is much more reasonable. If the text box has the space to accommodate it, the two cost reductions for the ability are really interesting and reward you for how you play Locrian, as well as punish your opponent for the cards they play. As a thought experiment, I wonder how the following wording sounds:
Choose a permanent or player and target permanent card in a graveyard that could be attached to it. If the chosen card has greater mana value than the discarded card, attach it to the chosen permanent or player. You lose life equal to the difference. This ability costs {1} less to activate during your turn and {b} less to activate if it targets a card in an opponent's graveyard.
@cadstar Keszi, Loam Reaper looks to be a balanced card. It does have a powerful effect, but the power of it comes incrementally, rather than all at once, which means having to establish (and then maintain) a stocked graveyard to really reap its benefits. It was a good call to make the reanimation trigger happen at the end of turn, which is a good middleground between getting it on ETB (and then with subsequent attacks) and having to wait until your next upkeep to get something. Your opponents still have time to interact with it at instant speed, but you'll get your value if all they have is sorcery speed removal.
I like that Keszi doesn't need any assistance to setup your graveyard, which is also helpful for recovering from graveyard wipes. By the time you can make five mana and have all of your colours, you're not in a terrible position for having a lowered chance to draw additional lands, especially if you have other sources of card draw. Although the current wording of Keszi's first ability is acceptable as is, I would suggest:
At the beginning of your upkeep, mill a card. If a nonland card was milled this way, repeat this process.
This is a bit cleaner because the revealing happens naturally as the card gets milled anyway. No need to split the reveal and the mill into two separate steps.
Phrygian, Firebrand Poet is neither here nor there for me. Since there's both a buff and a detriment in its ability, it doesn't quite belong on either side of the board. Why would you want to damage your own attacking creatures (especially when there are so many effects that give a larger power bonus with no drawbacks or a smaller power and toughness bonus) and why would you want to power up your opponents' creatures? I think a single line of rules text could save this card:
Creatures your opponents control with permanents attached to them are goaded.
This way, Phrygian becomes a politics card and actually beneficially interacts with Dorian and Locrian. The ability to buff your own creatures at a cost is then relegated to being an optional side benefit, rather than thrust to a place of prominence.
@cadstar369, both of these cards look really cool.
Phrygian: I’m kind of new to mtg and custom cards, but the idea of having two commanders interests me. I wonder why you would harm your own creatures, that seems counterproductive to the abilities this card has. Maybe just your opponents creatures? Also, a single-colour commander seems restrictive for a commander deck. Maybe add one white mana to her cost?
Keszi’s ability is really neat, I’d love to have a commander like that, especially after all my creatures get wiped. I’d be worried about losing too many cards from my deck, but the ability to put cards straight into the battlefield from my graveyard seems worth it. Making the process automatic every turn might be costly, tho? Maybe adding a way to tap this card or prevent it from happening when you don’t want it to might be a good idea.
Again, I’m pretty new, take what I say with a grain of salt. I do think your cards are both amazing.
I’m trying to build a Elden Ring based commander deck using the Carian Royal Family as my theme. Here are the Commander and alt Commander I’ve come up with so far. Unique tokens to the deck are Glintstone Weapons and Spirit Puppet Creatures.
@Jonination welcome to the site & thanks for the feedback. ?
Regarding Phrygian, the triggered ability is meant to be a double-edged sword for increased flexibility. While it may seem risky to use Phrygian's buff on your own creatures, consider what might happen if one were to attach Auras to your opponents' creatures, particularly since red has plenty of goad effects to direct attacks away from you and toward said opponents. Phrygian is also intentionally monocolored since most of the commanders they can be paired with will be a different color, thus making a two-color deck between them (see Dorian and Locrian from previous posts). (In case you're unaware, I should also point that Mystic Duet is just my take on an ability similar to Friends Forever from the Stranger Things Universes Beyond cards, and there's also other abilities like Partner that allow one to have multiple commanders. [Examples])
To be brief about Keszi, one is rarely at risk of running out of cards in commander, and that's often an alternate win condition anyway (especially if the deck has access to Laboratory Maniac, Thassa's Oracle, Jace, Wielder of Mysteries, etc.). In the case of these abilities though, most decks should be safe to trigger it 20+ times before they start getting dangerously low.
As for your cards, I'm going to make a number of assumptions about their intended effects since they aren't worded anything like Magic cards. (I also have to break this into two posts since I apparently have too much to say.) The wordings I'm going to give feedback on are in quote boxes like the one below.
Red Wolf of Radagon {4}{w}{w}{u} Legendary Creature – Wolf Wizard [5/5]
Whenever a Wolf you control attacks, it gains double strike until end of turn.
{6}, {t}: Create six 2/2 blue Construct artifact creature tokens named Glintstone Blade with reach and "Whenever this creature attacks or blocks, sacrifice it at end of combat."
(Arcane was replaced with Wizard since Arcane is an instant/sorcery type. Since you appear to have no intention of connecting it to existing Arcane cards (examples), it probably shouldn't be used here. I'm not a huge fan of giving it Wizard typing, but I assume it's meant to indicate the spellcasting nature of the Red Wolves in game.)
The first ability does virtually nothing outside of giving the Red Wolf of Radagon "double strike when attacking" since the vast majority of Wolves are not in blue-white, leaving mostly creatures with Changeling as the only options (though this ability appears to be fluff compared to the second one). It may only seem that way due to lack of context though since , and Rennala's activated ability can be adjusted to synergize with it.
The second ability is absolutely bonkers. Making six tokens once is already incredibly powerful (even with their sacrifice clause), but the Red Wolf of Radagon can do so every turn at an incredibly cheap rate. To put this into perspective, I can't find a repeatable activated ability that makes more than two tokens at once (not counting planeswalker ultimates). For example, consider Marneus Kalgar; for six mana he makes two 2/2 tokens with vigilance (albeit he also draws you a card from this with his other ability). White also has plenty of effects that multiply tokens and benefit from having small and/or many creatures enter the battlefield, while both white and blue can take advantage of making six artifacts at once (which is even more powerful than making six creatures in many decks).
Also, there appears to be nothing particularly blue about this card. Sure it makes [blue] artifact tokens, but this card could easily be mono-white with this text. (I could also discuss how the lack of haste, an ETB/LTB/cast ability, etc. makes this card incredibly likely to do nothing, but perhaps that is better saved for when you have more experience?)
Given everything mentioned above, I'd suggest something along these lines:
Red Wolf of Radagon {4}{w}{w}{u} Legendary Creature – Wolf Wizard [5/5]
Red Wolf of Radagon has ward {4} as long as it’s untapped.
Attacking Wolves you control have double strike.
{6}, {t}: Create three 2/2 blue Construct artifact creature tokens named Glintstone Blade with flying and "Whenever this creature attacks or blocks, sacrifice it at end of combat."
(Borrowed the protection ability from Iymrith, Desert Doom, and reduced the token generation to three both for balance and to match the spell cast during encounters. I also saw no reason to leave the double strike attached to a triggered ability when it could just as easily be a static ability.)
Once each turn, when you cast a spell with mana value 5 or greater, you may draw three cards. If you do, you may cast a spell with equal or lesser mana value from among cards drawn this way without paying its mana cost. Shuffle the rest into your library.
{3}, {t}: Create three 2/2 white Spirit creature tokens. Sacrifice them at the beginning of your next upkeep.
Once again, the token-generating ability is undercosted. I'm also not quite sure what you were going for here since spirit puppets don't sound like anything particularly relevant to anyone except Seluvis and Pidia. Were you perhaps aiming to evoke the spirit summons in phase 2? Recreating the wolf pack could potentially synergize with the Red Wolf of Radagon's ability, but the tokens Rennala generates won't get to attack since they only last until your next upkeep.
The first ability appears to be something like Rashmi, Eternities Crafter cranked up to 11. Aside from the tradeoff of greatly increased likelihood to cast something in exchange for getting nothing on a whiff, it's rather messy to have the player draw cards, make a decision regarding those cards, then immediately shuffle them away. There is no apparent reason the player is drawing three cards instead of just looking at the top three and casting the spell from their library. This ability is also likely to lead to frustrating play patterns, since there's quite a few spells with mana value 5+ that can be cast effectively for free using alternate costs, as well as it being rather easy to stack cost reductions until your big spells only cost one or two mana each.
If Rennala is meant to be an alternate commander for the Red Wolf of Radagon, perhaps consider something like this:
Whenever one or more creature tokens you control leave the battlefield, you may look at the top X cards of your library, then cast up to one spell with mana value X or less from among them, where X is their total power. Then shuffle. Do this only once each turn.
{4}, {t}: Create two 2/2 white Spirit Wolf creature tokens with haste. Sacrifice them at the beginning of your next upkeep.
(Since the commander deck you're constructing seems to revolve around generating temporary tokens, this new first ability now provides value when said tokens go away.) ~~~
@Cadstar. I really like Arenna, the increased cost of the spells is a good balance to the inability to counter or prevent their effects. It’s a really good card. I wouldn’t change a thing. I want it for my decks.
I see what you mean about Phrygian and Keszi, and now I agree completely. Consider my questions answered and my suggestions retracted.
“since they aren't worded anything like Magic cards.” Maybe I’m too new at this to be here. I’m willing to listen and use all the input I get, and I try to use real mtg cards as a base to build off, but I keep getting this every time I look for feedback.
Wolf of Radagon (Alt) is based on Atarka, World Render with a second ability to make it more than a copy. I agree 6 tokens is too much, don’t know what I was doing there. If I ever pick it up again, I’ll adjust that. Also, I didn’t realize Arcane meant something. I thought that part was fluff. I’d remove that too.
Rennala (the Commander) is my attempt to modify Gandalf, Westward Voyager to use only spells from your own deck, not your opponents. I figured the rng of looking at only the top three cards (don’t know why I said draw, that was dumb) of the library might balance the powerful nature of casting a spell without cost, but I agree in hindsight, it’s still too powerful. Maybe like Gandalf the spell would need to match the typing of the spell that triggered the ability, and the cards you look at should probably go to your graveyard instead of back into the library. I had the tokens she create vanish because I thought the ability might be overpowered if they stuck around.
I really like the Rennala you made. Bringing out tokens then using their removal to cast spells is a really good idea. Maybe a different card, when I’ve had a chance to learn more and not wiff the writing so badly. Don’t really have any more cards I want to review.
@Jonination Scryfall (and Gatherer) will be your best friend when trying to perfect the wording on your cards, as perhaps evidenced by how many links I threw out there. Once you find cards with an effect close to what you want, try to modify the punctuation and wording as little as possible to achieve the desired result. For example, Atarka, World Render says "Whenever a Dragon you control attacks, it gains double strike until end of turn." To adapt this for Red Wolf of Radagon, the only word that needs to be changed here is 'Dragon' to 'Wolf'. Your addition of the "As long as Red Wolf of Radagon is under your control" clause, which is both worded strangely relative to the usual "while you control X" or "as long as you control X" and unnecessary since a card's abilities generally only apply while it's on the battlefield, makes that first ability look like it's not from a Magic card.
Speaking of Atarka, World Render, she's an odd case since she's part of this cycle of legendary dragons that all have attack triggers. While it's not wrong to word her ability that way, without that context there's little reason for it to be an attack trigger. (Here's some examples of similar static abilities.)
Regarding going from Gandalf to Rennala, notice that Gandalf copies the original spell, while Rennala lets you cast a whole different spell. Gandalf additionally draws you a card when you don't copy the spell, giving you something even if you whiff, and isn't restricted to once per turn. If you wanted to turn that into something that works with your own library, the total number of cards looked at (usually 3 for Gandalf) would probably need to be decreased since it's easier to control your own library and deckbuilding decisions. Modifying the wording as little as possible, one might come up with something like this:
Whenever you cast a spell with mana value 5 or greater, [reveal the top two cards of your library]. If any of those cards shares a card type with that spell, copy that spell, you may choose new targets for the copy, and each opponent draws a card. Otherwise, [put any number of those cards on the bottom of your library, then] you draw a card. (A copy of a permanent spell becomes a token.)
(Changes emphasized with brackets. The second change is mainly to reduce the impact of revealing your top two cards.)
Hello! Fairly new cardsmith, but I have a least a half-dozen ideas that I'm going to make pretty soon, and I wanted to see what others thought about them! To start with, would anyone mind looking at this one i just made?-https://mtgcardsmith.com/view/evbren-gatherer-of-light
I have plenty of other cards ready, so it would be great if someone could respond pretty soon, as I have a whole lot of other ideas!
Your second planeswalker ability is unique and really cool, but if you want to pay an additional cost of more loyalty, than maybe adding a keyword on it like compleated in All Will Be One will make it a little better like discarding a card to pay for 1 loyalty or something like that. Other than that though, very unique card and I look forward to seeing more of your ideas in the future.
The Battlebus, a Vehicle that will never be used to attack or block because its presence alone is superstrong.
6 Mana for: "Creature spells you cast cant be countered. If you cast a creature spell, you get an additional 2/2 creature" will win the game almost by itself. Play it, cast 1-2 creatures per turn and at some point you can just overrun the opponent.
The additional three 2/2 creatures you get when you cast it dont really matter. Just makes it more broken.
@Floodkiller45 The Battle Bus is rather underwhelming. As a vehicle, it lacks any abilities that could even begin to justify having a crew cost greater than its power. Looking at the other abilities, while smashing halves of Oketra's Monument and Rhythm of the Wild together with some token generation sprinkled on top seems reasonably strong for mana value 6, there's nothing particularly blue or black about the card, and both of these abilities would be coming down significantly later in the game than you'd normally want them. (You probably don't need your creatures to be uncounterable on turn 6 as much as in the earlier turns, particularly when The Battle Bus isn't uncounterable itself, and incidental token generation is vastly more useful early on when it has more turns to build up.)
@LvB I don't see the point of The Eastersnail. It has poor P/T for its cost, the value provided to each player on ETB is both equal and minor, the second ability is worded differently from Clues (and notably stronger for it in black/red) for no apparent reason, and I doubt any player would willingly activate the last ability, especially not at sorcery speed. What is this card meant to accomplish, if anything?
@cadstar369 Arenna is an interesting idea that seems to incorporate elements from several other cards and adds its own unique twist to them. Do you remember the
Leech cycle from Invasion? Despite being more aggressively costed (for its time), hardly any of those cards saw play except for Jade Leech, which was only in the Fires of Yavimaya deck and only after its Blastoderm slots had been maxed out. The self-tax imposed by Arenna is probably too detrimental. Best case scenario, it effectively sets you back an entire turn's worth of land drops, and that's if you only cast one spell per turn. Arenna's drawback seems to have been chosen to specifically offset its benefit, but having a card that's supposed to make it easier for you to resolve spells also make it harder for you to cast them is a bit counterproductive. The drawback isn't even limited to a narrow band of spells like with the Leeches.
White isn't an enemy of blue, so making your spells and abilities uncounterable across the board feels like a bit of a reach outside its slice of the colour pie, although making your spells and abilities untargetable achieves almost the exact same result. Also, white generally employs other rule-manipulating effects to protect its spells,
namely cards like Grand Abolisher and Myrel, Shield of Argive. While these cards only work on
your turn and can't prevent triggered abilities from finding a target, the Abolisher only costs two mana, which means you're much more likely to sneak it in under a counterspell, especially on the play while your opponent only has one land. I suppose Arenna's other benefits of getting your spells through a Reverse the Polarity/Summary Dismissal/overloaded Counterflux and preventing them from being exiled, stolen, copied, or redirected by targeted effects at any time justifies putting it on a legendary creature and the triple white cost. The additional drawback (especially one that's in direct opposition to what the card fundamentally does) is probably not needed for an effect as narrow as Arenna's. Though limited in when it applies, at least the Abolisher and Myrel prevent your opponent from proactively casting spells and activating abilities during your turn, Arenna is never more than anti-reactive at all times.
@Jadefire thanks for the feedback. ? The Leech cycle and this song were the two main inspirations for Arenna. Do you think she'd be playable as a one-drop 2/1 or 2/2, or does white have so much protection on its own turn that it just doesn't care about effects like this for other turns? More generally, I'm curious as to whether it's possible to make playable cards with Leech-style drawbacks, but I'm not particularly great at costing aggressively and 'low cost big dumb creature with drawback' designs aren't particularly appealing to me. Do you think they're just too harsh without the rest of the card being borderline broken to compensate?
Bouncing off your color pie comment, perhaps Arenna would be better remade with some kind of anti-Threaten ability, like a static Trostani Discordant. (It doesn't fit the flavor as well, but it'd probably actually see use. ?) I don't think we've seen an effect like that since Guardian Beast, but it's probably niche enough to demote her to uncommon with no drawbacks.
@cadstar369 Trying to figure out an appropriate cost for a card with Arenna's drawback isn't too different from trying to properly cost a card with Epic, Epic is just at the extreme end of the spectrum. While resolving a spell with Epic means the end of casting spells for you entirely, resolving Arenna just makes it slightly harder for you to cast spells as long as it's on the battlefield. If something's going to Thalia all of your spells, it had better be a pretty good effect (ideally, it would be a proactive effect that's broadly applicable so you're not too dependent on other cards to actually close out the game once it resolves). A Savannah Lions with Arenna's abilities can range anywhere from near game-ending for your opponent on turn 1 to completely debilitating for yourself if draws don't go your way. In the second scenario, you can swing in with Arenna all day long. Almost any player will be happy to repeatedly trade a Shock to the face in the early game to Silence you turn after turn. Even a one mana Arenna seems very much to be a sideboard card, like a more aggressive Xantid Swarm that, ironically, doesn't fit well even into a white weenie deck.
Also, I just realized that a cheaper Arenna + Donate/Harmless Offering/Wrong Turn/Bazaar Trader is a turn three lock against any non-white player. I guess that's why the Leeches had their colour-specific taxes limited to only certain spells and why almost every other tax is paid for with generic mana. I can understand the challenge of trying to make a Leech-style tax work on a card, but white isn't reliant on keeping its options open and doing as much as possible at instant speed, so defending against your opponent's spells on your own turn or taxing them out of being able to cast their instants entirely is sufficient. Returning to the idea of viewing Leech-style taxing as Epic-light, I think it would take an OP effect to justify such a drawback. Perhaps something on the order of a Recycle, where every spell you cast will replace itself.
Retooling Arenna to be anti-Threaten card is an intriguing idea. A Trostani Discordant or Brooding Saurian with a continuous effect like Guardian Beast could be reasonable as an uncommon legend, depending on its cost and what it's protecting from being stolen, but this doesn't have to take the art and flavour of Arenna. I think there's still potential to make a card that's representative of the song you referenced, but I imagine it would have an effect that's land-related, perhaps like Preston Garvey, Minuteman who "builds" on top of existing lands.
I did forget to say "until end of turn" so could you please consider the text: "Whenever you cast a red instant/sorcery spell, up to X target creatures gain your choice of either haste or menace untilend of turn, where X is the amount of red mana spent to cast this spell."
For my set "Moons of Diopek," I'm doing a run of new Eye creatures. Thoughts? These are the only two so far, but wanting to do AT LEAST one for all non-black colors.
@Floodkiller45 I'm just now becoming active on the forums, so I hope you still want feedback on this.
I think if you clean up the wording a little bit, that's a pretty good card. Maybe why not Haste AND Menace? That could clean up the wording and boost the power just a little, but not too much.
@greencircleyall I feel the Eyes are a little weird (and not in the they're magic cards that are creatures and eyes at the same time kind of weird, which, you also have going for them). The weird thing is the original eye in Magic, which you seem keen to reference with your three-one-syllable-words-separated-by-dashes naming technique, was not able to be blocked. The second eye was designed to be a "backwards" version of it, and had flipped power and toughness, and destroyed creatures blocking it. Every other Eye in Magic has some sort of evasion, and the theme seems to be, you shouldn't ever block an Eye. I feel like you've leaned really hard into the get-an-effect-when-it's-blocked aspect of Evil Eye of Urborg, but, I'd recommend, at least going forward, to include evasion or just straight-up cannot be blocked, if you want to represent Eyes as they are currently in the game. That being said, the blue Eye is a little steeply costed for what it does (two damage a turn but your opponent gets to thin their deck? No one will ever block this unless they have no choice). The red one is better. I'd love to see it used as collaborative removal in a commander game ("Wanna sacrifice that token to kill that planeswalker over there? Cool, I'll attack you with my eye...).
Here's are a couple cards I'd like some feedback on. The first is an attempt at making a Gruul counterspell that felt like it made sense flavor-wise. The other is just a weird idea I have that I'm still not satisfied with the way it's worded or, necessarily, all the abilities.
Thanks, and fair. I was trying to expand what eyes of different colors would do, so that's why I...*ahem*...AVOIDED the evasion. Just the flavor of what I am doing with my set.
That being said, you're dead on about the blue one. I think I'll change it to "when it deals combat damage to a player, draw two cards" and lower the cost by one. Maybe up the power by one as well. I currently cannot edit my old cards (I'm talking to them on Discord about it), but as soon as I can, I'll make those changes.
No notes on Gone Awry. Maybe, with storm, I'd add a {1}. So, I guess ONE note. I would either remove storm and make it a one CC or add the {1}.
Show of Force is, obviously, weird for the color wheel. The effect is cool, just can't figure out how to make it work on the wheel. Maybe make it an enchantment with a trigger? That exact wording could work with the addition of "sacrifice Show of Force."
Like @greencircleyall, I have no big picks at gone awry. However, Show of Force is weird for a card of the colour(s), and a little overpowered for just 2 mana. If your running a red-green creature deck, then that means you could virtually counter all of your opponents spells with ease (I'm talkin bout Scute Swarm). Maybe just making a bit more expensive could balance it out to be better overall.
I like this card. Feels real. I guess if I had to pick a nit, I'd say maybe he should tap for his ability as well or cost one more? But that's a BIG question mark at the end of that sentence. I like.
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Firestorm Pollen was originally created for a now-defunct campaign here, and while I was iffy on whether I should just turn it into Jund Everlasting Torment, I held off since it got a surprising number of favs. Once I get some better art for it, I'll make the third ability symmetrical.
Frigid Fortification is intended to protect the player from spells and abilities as well, which is why the wording is based on Hinata, Dawn-Crowned. I can't find any rule one way or the other about whether a player controls themself, but I'm assuming they do since the rulings on cards like Mindslaver mention that gaining control of yourself effectively does nothing. If that turns out to not be the case, having the second and third abilities protect the player will probably take more text than it's worth, so I'll reword them like you suggested.
The purpose of Celestial Interference should become clearer when you get to my new Dorian and Locrian. (In case they've changed when you get to them, they originally partnered with each other, but StuffnSuch's comment has me working on expanding them into a seven card series with an ability similar to friends forever.) Using unattach instead of destroy also incidentally gets around indestructible and such. I totally forgot about Witchbane Orb / Orbs of Warding when making this one though. ? Updated it with your suggested wording, but dropped the "attached to you and permanents you control" clause from the first ability since the total text was one line too long.
We use proxy prints. It worked fine. I appreciate the reinforcement, but it works for what it was intended to be used for. We're brainstorming other ideas now. Thank you ?
@Floodkiller45 In Cthulu's Clutches is nuts, though not necessarily through any fault of the card itself. While five colored pips and requiring a legendary creature or planeswalker sounds like a tall order, black has multiple rituals and any creature can become legendary after being tempted by the ring (to say nothing of black's plentiful legends with low mana value), which makes consistently casting In Cthulu's Clutches by turn 3 (effectively ending the game) a surprisingly reasonable proposition. Even when cast on curve, it's devastating against any opponent with more than a couple cards in hand (and for five mana you could easily cast a sweeper instead if their hand is empty).
I'd suggest making In Cthulu's Clutches only make the targeted player sacrifice nonland permanents, since the potential to sacrifice lands makes this far more backbreaking than similar effects like Invoke Despair. I'd also suggest this wording:
~~~
I'd appreciate feedback on these cards:
(For context regarding Phrygian, see Dorian and Locrian in previous posts.)
Most of the issues you brought up with Locrian definitely stem from the initial mirrored Battlebond-style partner idea I had for him and Dorian, which no longer works on a number of levels now that I'm working on expanding them into a set of seven creatures that function similarly to the Stranger Things friends forever cards (see Phrygian above for the first tentative addition).
Expanding the group puts Celestial Interference in a bit of an awkward position relative to it, but I'll probably edit it one more time since I still like the general idea. (I honestly wasn't sure how to word it since I couldn't find many relevant rulings or cards with even vaguely similar abilities; I appreciate the rules references on this one being more straightforward than I thought. ?)
What do you think of something like this for Locrian?
Legendary Creature – Crocodile Bear Warlock [3/3]
Mystic duet (You can have two commanders if both have mystic duet.)
Lifelink
{2}{b}{b}, {t}, Discard a nonland card: Return target permanent card that could be attached to a permanent or player from a graveyard to the battlefield attached to a permanent or player it could be attached to if it has greater mana value than the discarded card. If you do, you lose life equal to the difference. This ability costs {1} less to activate during your turn and {b} less to activate if it targets a card that isn't in your graveyard.
Keszi’s ability is really neat, I’d love to have a commander like that, especially after all my creatures get wiped. I’d be worried about losing too many cards from my deck, but the ability to put cards straight into the battlefield from my graveyard seems worth it. Making the process automatic every turn might be costly, tho? Maybe adding a way to tap this card or prevent it from happening when you don’t want it to might be a good idea.
Regarding Phrygian, the triggered ability is meant to be a double-edged sword for increased flexibility. While it may seem risky to use Phrygian's buff on your own creatures, consider what might happen if one were to attach Auras to your opponents' creatures, particularly since red has plenty of goad effects to direct attacks away from you and toward said opponents. Phrygian is also intentionally monocolored since most of the commanders they can be paired with will be a different color, thus making a two-color deck between them (see Dorian and Locrian from previous posts). (In case you're unaware, I should also point that Mystic Duet is just my take on an ability similar to Friends Forever from the Stranger Things Universes Beyond cards, and there's also other abilities like Partner that allow one to have multiple commanders. [Examples])
To be brief about Keszi, one is rarely at risk of running out of cards in commander, and that's often an alternate win condition anyway (especially if the deck has access to Laboratory Maniac, Thassa's Oracle, Jace, Wielder of Mysteries, etc.). In the case of these abilities though, most decks should be safe to trigger it 20+ times before they start getting dangerously low.
As for your cards, I'm going to make a number of assumptions about their intended effects since they aren't worded anything like Magic cards. (I also have to break this into two posts since I apparently have too much to say.) The wordings I'm going to give feedback on are in quote boxes like the one below.
Legendary Creature – Wolf Wizard [5/5]
Whenever a Wolf you control attacks, it gains double strike until end of turn.
{6}, {t}: Create six 2/2 blue Construct artifact creature tokens named Glintstone Blade with reach and "Whenever this creature attacks or blocks, sacrifice it at end of combat."
The first ability does virtually nothing outside of giving the Red Wolf of Radagon "double strike when attacking" since the vast majority of Wolves are not in blue-white, leaving mostly creatures with Changeling as the only options (though this ability appears to be fluff compared to the second one). It may only seem that way due to lack of context though since , and Rennala's activated ability can be adjusted to synergize with it.
The second ability is absolutely bonkers. Making six tokens once is already incredibly powerful (even with their sacrifice clause), but the Red Wolf of Radagon can do so every turn at an incredibly cheap rate. To put this into perspective, I can't find a repeatable activated ability that makes more than two tokens at once (not counting planeswalker ultimates). For example, consider Marneus Kalgar; for six mana he makes two 2/2 tokens with vigilance (albeit he also draws you a card from this with his other ability). White also has plenty of effects that multiply tokens and benefit from having small and/or many creatures enter the battlefield, while both white and blue can take advantage of making six artifacts at once (which is even more powerful than making six creatures in many decks).
Also, there appears to be nothing particularly blue about this card. Sure it makes [blue] artifact tokens, but this card could easily be mono-white with this text. (I could also discuss how the lack of haste, an ETB/LTB/cast ability, etc. makes this card incredibly likely to do nothing, but perhaps that is better saved for when you have more experience?)
Given everything mentioned above, I'd suggest something along these lines:
Legendary Creature – Wolf Wizard [5/5]
Red Wolf of Radagon has ward {4} as long as it’s untapped.
Attacking Wolves you control have double strike.
{6}, {t}: Create three 2/2 blue Construct artifact creature tokens named Glintstone Blade with flying and "Whenever this creature attacks or blocks, sacrifice it at end of combat."
Legendary Creature – Demigod Wizard [5/3]
Once each turn, when you cast a spell with mana value 5 or greater, you may draw three cards. If you do, you may cast a spell with equal or lesser mana value from among cards drawn this way without paying its mana cost. Shuffle the rest into your library.
{3}, {t}: Create three 2/2 white Spirit creature tokens. Sacrifice them at the beginning of your next upkeep.
The first ability appears to be something like Rashmi, Eternities Crafter cranked up to 11. Aside from the tradeoff of greatly increased likelihood to cast something in exchange for getting nothing on a whiff, it's rather messy to have the player draw cards, make a decision regarding those cards, then immediately shuffle them away. There is no apparent reason the player is drawing three cards instead of just looking at the top three and casting the spell from their library. This ability is also likely to lead to frustrating play patterns, since there's quite a few spells with mana value 5+ that can be cast effectively for free using alternate costs, as well as it being rather easy to stack cost reductions until your big spells only cost one or two mana each.
If Rennala is meant to be an alternate commander for the Red Wolf of Radagon, perhaps consider something like this:
Legendary Creature – Demigod Wizard [3/4]
Whenever one or more creature tokens you control leave the battlefield, you may look at the top X cards of your library, then cast up to one spell with mana value X or less from among them, where X is their total power. Then shuffle. Do this only once each turn.
{4}, {t}: Create two 2/2 white Spirit Wolf creature tokens with haste. Sacrifice them at the beginning of your next upkeep.
~~~
I'd appreciate feedback on this card:
Wolf of Radagon (Alt) is based on Atarka, World Render with a second ability to make it more than a copy. I agree 6 tokens is too much, don’t know what I was doing there. If I ever pick it up again, I’ll adjust that. Also, I didn’t realize Arcane meant something. I thought that part was fluff. I’d remove that too.
I really like the Rennala you made. Bringing out tokens then using their removal to cast spells is a really good idea. Maybe a different card, when I’ve had a chance to learn more and not wiff the writing so badly. Don’t really have any more cards I want to review.
Speaking of Atarka, World Render, she's an odd case since she's part of this cycle of legendary dragons that all have attack triggers. While it's not wrong to word her ability that way, without that context there's little reason for it to be an attack trigger. (Here's some examples of similar static abilities.)
Regarding going from Gandalf to Rennala, notice that Gandalf copies the original spell, while Rennala lets you cast a whole different spell. Gandalf additionally draws you a card when you don't copy the spell, giving you something even if you whiff, and isn't restricted to once per turn. If you wanted to turn that into something that works with your own library, the total number of cards looked at (usually 3 for Gandalf) would probably need to be decreased since it's easier to control your own library and deckbuilding decisions. Modifying the wording as little as possible, one might come up with something like this:
I hope this helps. ?
I have plenty of other cards ready, so it would be great if someone could respond pretty soon, as I have a whole lot of other ideas!
Your second planeswalker ability is unique and really cool, but if you want to pay an additional cost of more loyalty, than maybe adding a keyword on it like compleated in All Will Be One will make it a little better like discarding a card to pay for 1 loyalty or something like that. Other than that though, very unique card and I look forward to seeing more of your ideas in the future.
I'd like some feedback on this:
https://mtgcardsmith.com/view/the-battle-bus
@LvB I don't see the point of The Eastersnail. It has poor P/T for its cost, the value provided to each player on ETB is both equal and minor, the second ability is worded differently from Clues (and notably stronger for it in black/red) for no apparent reason, and I doubt any player would willingly activate the last ability, especially not at sorcery speed. What is this card meant to accomplish, if anything?
I'd appreciate feedback on this card:
Bouncing off your color pie comment, perhaps Arenna would be better remade with some kind of anti-Threaten ability, like a static Trostani Discordant. (It doesn't fit the flavor as well, but it'd probably actually see use. ?) I don't think we've seen an effect like that since Guardian Beast, but it's probably niche enough to demote her to uncommon with no drawbacks.
I did forget to say "until end of turn" so could you please consider the text: "Whenever you cast a red instant/sorcery spell, up to X target creatures gain your choice of either haste or menace until end of turn, where X is the amount of red mana spent to cast this spell."
Thanks
I think if you clean up the wording a little bit, that's a pretty good card. Maybe why not Haste AND Menace? That could clean up the wording and boost the power just a little, but not too much.
That being said, the blue Eye is a little steeply costed for what it does (two damage a turn but your opponent gets to thin their deck? No one will ever block this unless they have no choice). The red one is better. I'd love to see it used as collaborative removal in a commander game ("Wanna sacrifice that token to kill that planeswalker over there? Cool, I'll attack you with my eye...).
Here's are a couple cards I'd like some feedback on. The first is an attempt at making a Gruul counterspell that felt like it made sense flavor-wise. The other is just a weird idea I have that I'm still not satisfied with the way it's worded or, necessarily, all the abilities.
Thanks, and fair. I was trying to expand what eyes of different colors would do, so that's why I...*ahem*...AVOIDED the evasion. Just the flavor of what I am doing with my set.
That being said, you're dead on about the blue one. I think I'll change it to "when it deals combat damage to a player, draw two cards" and lower the cost by one. Maybe up the power by one as well. I currently cannot edit my old cards (I'm talking to them on Discord about it), but as soon as I can, I'll make those changes.
No notes on Gone Awry. Maybe, with storm, I'd add a {1}. So, I guess ONE note. I would either remove storm and make it a one CC or add the {1}.
Show of Force is, obviously, weird for the color wheel. The effect is cool, just can't figure out how to make it work on the wheel. Maybe make it an enchantment with a trigger? That exact wording could work with the addition of "sacrifice Show of Force."
Like @greencircleyall, I have no big picks at gone awry. However, Show of Force is weird for a card of the colour(s), and a little overpowered for just 2 mana. If your running a red-green creature deck, then that means you could virtually counter all of your opponents spells with ease (I'm talkin bout Scute Swarm). Maybe just making a bit more expensive could balance it out to be better overall.
Anyway, here's my submission:
I like this card. Feels real. I guess if I had to pick a nit, I'd say maybe he should tap for his ability as well or cost one more? But that's a BIG question mark at the end of that sentence. I like.