“erd’ar avie aliono osh artna oh mana asnie lev’ashi-...” Some voices were mumbling. The voices echoed dull around Basil. He coughed and comforted his fragile body. He felt for the wound but there was nothing there as if he had never received it. Basil opened his eyes slowly. He lied down on some glass or crystal floor. Above the floor was thick mist covering everything else. He slowly went up on his knees and then his feet. He wore his civil clothes from home and the Flame song where nowhere to be seen. The mumbling voices became duller until they disappeared completely. Basil looked around. He seemed to be in some endless field of mist. All around stood metal bowls with stakes. From the bowls, mist sipped out and into the sea of it. In the sky were long stripped clouds and beyond them was what seemed like a burning moon, shining upon it all.
Basil stretched his right hand towards the moon. He moved his hand and fingers as to visualise him holding the moon. A ball of blue and green flame from the moon fell slowly towards the mist, which began to change colours as the ball of fire came close. A large arm moved around basil and grabbed the burning mist in a bowl. The arm withdrew back behind Basil. He turned around and saw a large deity that was at least four times as tall as he was. The deity moved the burning bowl closer to his head. The mist began to stream up to him and absorbed into him. When the flame was gone, he put down the bowl and looked at Basil.
“Basil. Do you know why you are you here?” Basil looked upon the deity. He thought he would feel awed by the presence but he felt nothing.
“I don’t know why I am here. You are Decaotus?” “Yes I am. You rage through this land, killing people you do not need to kill. You almost even killed an unborn that shares your own blood yet you do not know why? ”I was. I am searching for those responsible for the Margeficus. The monster that killed so many, killed my parents and caused all of this.” “Basil, do you fear the abyss? Do you fear the destruction and death it brings upon your world?”
”Yes? Of course I do. Why would even ask that? ”The abyss is growing stronger behind its gate. It leaks into the world in the form of beasts yet it grows to one day break that very gate. You know that already.” “Moktaraktus, the day Septhis breaks the gate and brings the forces of the abyss to our world. Everyone knows that and it what we are prepared for. It is why Friyena train us, to be prepared and save the world from ending.”
“It will not matter how many knights she train, how many soldiers she gather in her army. When the Septhis comes and brings Moktaraktus. The mortal realm will fall.” “You know nothing more about than Friyena. She believes we can succeed and we will!”
“The abyss is like water and the gate is like a dam. Even how strong the dam is it will not hold if the water is not allowed to leak through. When it finally breaks, it will spell doom for everything that lives beneath. Friyena knew this. We had to do something to save the mortal realm. That is why we sent the Margeficus.”
Basil took a step back. “What!? You sent him!?
”Yes. We five decided that it was the only solution. The Margeficus was supposed to create a huge wound in the world where the abyss would fall back and descend into the depths. It would have saved the rest of the world for thousands of years if not forever. Frieyna brought him to us but she could not stand watching him destroy your realm.
”You’re lying! Friyena would never release such monster upon us! You’re trying to put me against her just like you betrayed her!”
I never betrayed her. She betrayed us. She broke the pact and entered the mortal realm to bring down the Margeficus. She has ensured the arrival of Septhis. Even then, she did not save your parents nor did she save your friend, Lily.” Basil moved his had to draw his sword, which he did not have. “You’re lying!”
I never tell lies, Basil. You do not believe me for you see me as an enemy. Go, go south to Swadgena and speak to my brother Terrodus. May his word make you see the truth. Now go Basil.”
The mist around Basil began to burn in a blue green flame that rose above Basil. Soon after, he woke up in a bed. Beside him sat two priests that had taken care of his wounds. They held a bowl from which smoke rose. Over Basil was a bunch of flower leaves scattered. The priests spoke in some ancient language as they spoke to the smoke it looked like.
Just like any other Dormanian, these people did not speak Evilerian but neither did they speak Dormanian, at least not the eastern or southern languages. It would probably not have made any difference anyway since they did not speak to Basil. They somewhat knew already what they had to knew. They gave Basil food and clothes and took care of his wounds. In addition to the two priests that took care of Basil, there were nine more of various ages. When Basil was good enough to walk they headed to the northern great lake where they got a small ship. With the ship, they sailed south through the great lake rivers.
The boy who met seven gods – Chapter 27: The gate to the abyss
When the ship docked at the island of Swadgena, The priests led him far up and into the island. The island was not controlled by any Dormanian kingdom and was home to most of the priests of the ancient. The island was well taken care of and beautiful with millions of flowers, trees and stone white stone structures that followed the flow of the island. Basil had been given attire similar to that which the priests used. A black robe with a white and yellow belt and around his neck, he wore a white cloth piece called an “egritkna” that that covered his shoulders and upper back and chest. They walked up a stone path until they came to a small village of seven houses made almost entirely of white stone. They spent the night in the village together with a bunch of other priests that was there since earlier.
The day after, Basil and one other priest from the group set off further up the island. They walked over yet another stone path that led up to the temple building on top of the island. The inside was decorated with old images of the gods and many of the walls had shelves with old books on them. Those were not of interest for Basil or the priest who walked to the altar in the middle of the temple. The priest put his hand on the altar and said “El’isna af’ina evonio avan fer’ahan” The altar responded to the priest’s words and began to glide out of position revealing a stairway. The priest walked down first and Basil followed. The stairs led down and into a spherical room with a bowl in the middle. The walls and roof where covered with ancient figures and texts. The priest walked to the back of the room and retrieved a jug. He then walked up toward the bowl and signed that Basil did the same. He began pouring out a dark liquid from the jug into the bowl. When the Jug was empty, he took a step back and opened his arms. Basil took a deep breath and lowered his head into the liquid.
Basil began to lose the feeling of his feet, legs, body, arms and head as he held his head in the liquid. It began to feel as he was drowning so he began to breath. It felt as he was floating so he opened his eyes. In front of him he saw a lifeless face drenched in a black liquid. The face screamed silently ass it was dragged back into the depth. The person pushed up his hand from the liquid but hit was sounded like thick glass before the hand was pulled in as well. Basil looked around and saw that he was floating just above a large glass gate that separated him from the abyss. He turned his feet towards the gate and landed on it as a platform. He looked around. He was in what looked like the sky. There were clouds everywhere and in the distance was the sun shining upon him. A large deity floated towards the platform where Basil stood.
”I would have presented myself but you already know who I am, as you have been come her to speak with me.”
Basil backed off a few steps to give a room for Terrodus. He did however not land as he continued to float aside the platform. “I have come to ask you if it is true what Decaotus says. That you released the Margeficus upon Aveliade. That Friyena betrayed a pact she had with you? Is that true?”
“Decaotus never tell lies, nor does he always tell truths. It is true though what he says. We did make a monster of the Margeficus. A monster meant to destroy, to save. Because we could not see what Friyena saw, hope. Decaotus follows logic while Friyena follows heart. She did oppose the pact we made so far ago, but she never broke it. For she never made the pact.”
“Why?”
”When she arrived to us, we had already made the pact. We could not leave her alone so we took her in as one of our own. She never took the pact because she was never one of us.”
”What. Is Friyena not a god?”
“No. She is not. She is something much lesser yet far greater.” Terrodus stretched out his hand and channeled mana through it. A flow of white light gathered in his hand and formed into a blade of light. “A heirloom of her true heritage. A blade of Dawn Silver.”
The blade dissembled into light again that spread afar. “She is not truly one of us so she cannot truly understand our darkness as we cannot understand her hope. We choose to use the magic of the abyss once in hope to save Avelaide and innocent lives were lost for it. Friyena did it not once but twice, and innocent lives were lost again.”
”Not a god? She used the abyssal magic twice and innocent lives were lost? Why did she do it again? Basil moved around in circles, conflicted.
”The only one that can truly answer for the reason of her actions is Friyena herself. Return to her. The priests will take you back to Lisakdonia. Good bye Basil”
Basil began to float up from the platform. He began to rise up faster and faster until everything became darker and finally black. Basil withdrew his head from the bowl and liquid. The priest welcomed him back with a bow. They walked back to the village and spent the remaining of the day there. The after they returned to the ship and began to sail west through the long rivers until they reached the ocean. From there they continued west over the ocean back to Lisakdonia.
The boy who met seven gods – Chapter 28: A night to remember
It was an unusually cold winter in Crastine. Snow was falling gently over the city that rarely has to see any frost at all. The streets and inner water canals were covered in thin layers of ice. On almost every street were tracks from the carts that had been transporting firewood around the city. The streets were much less trafficked by citizens that preferred to stay at home or at the taverns. Those that were moving around the city held their arms towards their chests to keep their heat. The sun had almost disappeared beneath the western mountains behind the grey sky. Most of the direct light that touched the city’s stone streets and walls came from the buildings themselves.
Basil stood at the southern harbor watching in over the city that he had left more than half a year ago. It was his home yet it felt different. He remained there for a rather long time, almost half an hour. He just drifted away in his thoughts. The last time he had been here he had been here with them. All of them. Antonio, Janet, Alice, Rowan, Magnus, Helen, Aelia. Are Janet and Aelia still here? Basil looked up towards the huge palace. Friyena had her chamber there within. Had she really done what Decaotus and Terrodus said she had done? Had she seen the destruction and still sought the abyssal powers to create another monster? Monster? Basil held his hand over the eagle pommel of Flame Song. His thoughts turned back to Zenaida as he turned towards the ocean in the east.
No, they deserved what came to them. They must have.
Basil stopped thinking as if his mind resisted his own thoughts. He stroke his right hand over his hair which had been covered in snow. For a second he wondered if Janet would even recognize him. What if she doesn’t? Maybe she has accepted that he is gone forever and thus forgot about him? Maybe she found another. The thoughts within Basil began conflict with each other so he just shook his head in an attempt to remove them as he began to walk forward.
Basil walked over the thin snow towards the eastern gate that leads to the palace stairs. The gate was closed and before it stood three palace guards dressed in what looked like wolf fur. As Basil approached them one of the guards raised his hand and said. “Halt there. The palace is out of reach for anyone unauthorized during the night.”
“I am a knight of Friyena. I seek an audience with her.” Basil responded as he stopped before the guard. “Rank?” The guard said. ”Field Knight” Basil answered. “Your rank is too low to meet Friyena. Also she is not here this evening so you need to come back tomorrow anyway and try again then.”. ”Why did you not say that in the first place?” Basil said.
”New rules. Unspecialized knights are unauthorized to meet the lady.” “What? You say that I cannot meet her? I was trapped in Dormania after the battle for over six months! I have even slayed an Akon beast to save a town and you say that I am not allowed to meet her?”
The guards now looked at each other while mumbling confusedly. The guard turned back to Basil after a short moment. “If it is true as you say then return tomorrow and the order will see to it that you become rightfully promoted. You might also meet the lady then. Now good night sir.” The guard said before turning his back to Basil and returning to his post.
Since there was nothing more Basil could do there, he began to walk towards the order’s barracks. He did not stop until he could see the top of the building appear before him. He approached the gates and stopped. He looked up towards the windows of the end of the third floor. A light came from within. Would it really be wise to see Janet at this time? Basil stood there for a short while thinking before he decided it was best to wait until after. He turned around and began to walk to his own home.
When Basil came close to the building where he lived, he noticed a dim light escaping from the windows. There were also a set of footsteps at the door. Two sets to and one set from it. Someone had taken his home from him. It made him furious. The home that belonged to his mother and father. Instead of walking away, Basil drew out his sword and approached the door. He quickly opened the door and stepped inside with his sword before him. On the table in the outer room were a single candle, a couple of letters and a fur coat. Basil turned his sword towards the door to the other room as the housebreaker stepped forward with a sword ready in hand. They both stood there for a few seconds that felt almost like minutes.
“Basil?”
Janet lowered her sword and walked towards Basil. She embraced him as he did her. “ I thought I would never see you again. I thought you were dead Basil.” Janet said from beneath Basil’s beard at his chest as tears were filling her eyes. Basil buried his nose in Janet’s hair. Memories of them dancing in the ball bloomed up within his mind. A feeling of soft and warmth overwhelmed him as he had not felt such feelings for so long so he also began to cry. Basil cried so that he began to laugh. “What is so funny?” Janet asked as she also began to laugh. Basil did not answer and instead began dandle around as they had done during the dance half a year ago. They laughed even more as they swung around gently.
When they stopped laughing, they continued to dance around gently and tightly together. Warmth grew between them. The dance turned to a kiss and lust. A lust that would not have grown so easily half a year ago but now burned through them. They went to bed together and their lustful feelings just exploded.
The sun began to rise up over the snow covered Crastine. Basil sat at the side of his parent’s bed looking at Janet who was sleeping deeply. He let his hand stroke over her shoulder and her soft blonde hair before he stood up from the bed. He dressed himself and took Flame Song before he stepped out of the house. The streets were mostly empty and shiningly white from the sun’s early light touching the snow. Basil took a deep cold breath before he began to walk towards the palace.
The gates were open and only two guards were position beside it. Basil walked straight by them and up towards the stairs. The stairs were rose long and tall over the rest of the city to the central platform. Flags and banners were resting upon their poles decorating them red and white. A large number of servants were working on the platform to remove the snow from the colored stones. Basil only gave a short look towards them before he walked towards the palace building. The entrance to the palace was decorated with eight marble pillars with a palace guard in front of each. The guards stopped Basil as he approached and asked his ground of visit. Upon answering the question, the guards called for their captain, one of the guardian knights to which Basil showed his emblem and sword.
“You have been expected Basil, slayer of an akon as the rumors says. The lady has been asking for you so please follow me.” the guardian knight said as he began to lead Basil into the palace.
“Excuse me but I must say that you look particularly young for have been defeating an akon on your own. Forgive me if I ask but how old are you actually?” the knight asked as they came into a large open hall room with many doors on the sides. “I became twenty years old past autumn and I did not really defeat it by my own. The town that was being attacked was still fighting against the monster when I arrived.” Basil said while looking around on the tall royal decorated walls of the hall. “Even with the help of an army, to be able to slay an Akon at your young age is a feat beyond incredible. Unbelievable even but we have all seen miracles happen before, haven’t we?” the knight said.
Many of the doors on the side of the hall lead to corridors or stairs but the large ones lead to significantly important locations. To the right was a large door that lead to the Vearone’s throne room. A door to the left lead to some kind of meeting room and another lead to what looked like a lecture hall. At the end of the hall where three doors. The left door was closed but held the sign of the order. The right door was also closed but Basil knew that it lead to the order’s headquarter and the seats of the masters and Letholdus. Between them was a large white door with Friyena’s symbol upon it. It had earlier led to the temple of Friyena but since the Margeficus attack it had been remade. Basil and the knight stopped before the three doors.
“I will go and tell the masters that you have arrived. You do as you want if you want to answer the lady’s call now or wait and do it after the meeting with the masters. See you later.” The knight said before he went into the right doorway. Basil now stood alone before the mighty white door that lead to Friyena’s chamber. It felt strange have been called for by her now. If it had happened earlier he would have entered with pride and joy. Now he stood there with no pride or joy but fear. Not a violent fear but a gentle fear that is telling him to leave it, to walk back. But if he turned back he would never know the real truth. Maybe that would be for the best. Basil began to turn around when a small, cold and yet familiar wind moved past him and the white doors began to open. Basil turned towards the opened doors for a few seconds and then he stepped inside.
The doors closed behind him as he stepped a few steps up into a large circular room with an altar in the middle with flowers and candles upon it. The walls were filled with banners, paintings and other decorations. The paintings illustrated all from Friyena as a god to her fighting and defeating the Margeficus. From the roof hanged a large silver chandelier and from it hanged vine looking strings with blooming flowers.
”Basil, I am back here” Said a woman from a room in the back.
Basil walked around the room to the left side and through an opening. The other room was much larger than the room before. It was twice as tall and had a roof of both uncolored and colored glass. The floor on each side of were filled with planted flowers and other plants of all possible colors. Between the flowers ran small paths of waters that spread around the whole inside garden. Around the walls stood half pillars with bowls with fire on them. Between the flower gardens ran a pathway that led towards the other half of the room that were a couple of steps up. At the back of the elevated floor stood a white golden throne that was filled with flowers and on its back stood a white sheathed sword. The floor in front of the throne was large and open. At the side of the room at the wall stood a single knight in complete body covered armor, William. At the throne in a white and gold dress stood Friyena who just put aside a jug on the throne. “Welcome Basil. You wanted to see me?” Friyena said with a gentle smile. A smile that used to make Basil warm but this time it did not. Basil walked up the few steps and then stopped.
“Yes I did.” Basil said.
“Is something wrong?” Friyena asked. She had noticed that Basil had not gone down on his right knee nor did he bow. Even if Friyena never asked nor demanded for such acts the knights always did so by their own code of honor and decency.
”When I was Dormania I encountered Decaotus. He told me some things. He said that you and they created the Margeficus. That you let the monster kill hundreds of thousands of innocent people. My mom and dad.” said Basil as if the forced himself to say it.
Friyena lost her smile and looked upon Basil with concern. “Basil, I…”
”I spoke to Terrodus as well. He said that you had created another monster after the Margeficus. He said that even more innocent people had died because of you.” Basil said as he interrupted Friyena. Basil held his left hand over the pommel of his sword as he looked at William who stepped a few steps forward towards Basil while holding a hand over his own sword.
“Basil you should…” Friyena said.
”Did you do it? Did you create the Margeficus?” Basil said as he interrupted Friyena again.
William now stepped and stopped in front of Basil turned towards him, still holding his hand over the sword. Friyena was speechless and almost chocked. She looked at Basil who was very upset and shacking uncontrollably. He would not leave before he got an answer nor would he accept a lie. Even if it was best for him. “Yes Basil. I helped them trap the Margeficus to create an incomplete akon vegrin.” She said
Basil felt cold in his whole body upon hearing it.
”Did you let my mom and dad die by the monster? Did you let the monster kill Tengil so the Kilmaeren could roam freely and kill Lily? Did you let Margeficus weaken us so the Stelladorans saw their chance and declare war upon us? A war that took the lives of Antonio, Alice, Rowan, Helen and Magnus?” Basil said as his eyes widened and he took a firmer grip on the handle of Flame Song.
“I did not want anyone to die Basil” she said “But you let them die! You could have saved them.” he said. “I wanted to save them but I could not betray my brothers and sisters. I wanted to stop the Margeficus but I did not find the courage to break the promise until I was shown the bravery that humans possess and I decided to break the promise. Enough people had died.” she said.
“But enough people had not died. You created a second monster and more people died because of it?” He said. “You should leave, Basil.” she said. William now drew his sword and pointed towards the door behind Basil. Basil did not turn. Instead, he drew his own sword and stood face to face with William. “Do you even seek to protect us?” Basil said.
“That is my sole purpose.” Friyena said.
William now walked towards Basil and grabbed his should to force him out. Williams grab held much strength behind it and something else that Basil felt. The feeling turned to cold fury and Basil turned around his right shoulder as he raised his sword and swung it towards William. William got hit on his helm that moved slightly out of place. It was strange. William was supposed to be one the best knights of them all and yet he fell for such simple move.
“Stop it!” Friyena now shouted.
William recovered very quickly, raised his sword, and moved forward towards Basil. He tried to punch Basil with his left fist as he swung the sword with his right. Basil easily dodged the punch and raised his sword to block the attack. He almost fell back as the sword hit with an inhuman strength. Basil took a step back, channeled the white flame through his sword, and stepped forward for another attack. William was very fast and raised his sword to block the attack as he punched with his left fist. Basil let the blade glide against Williams as ducked beside William. From his low stance, he turned around his left shoulder with blade in both hands and raised it up towards William’s head. The blade got a direct hit on the helm that moved it even further out of place. William should have fallen over by that hit but he just backed a few steps. His helmet now revealed a slight gap at the neck but something looked strange about it Basil felt. As if the armor was burning inside.
“Stop now! I order you to stop!” Friyena shouted.
William did not correct his helmet and instead dashed directly back towards Basil with sword raised. Basil stepped forward with his right foot and held his left foot back. When William’s attack came, Basil forced it down into the ground with his own sword as he moved beside William. As he turned he grabbed William’s helm by the neck and pulled as he could until it came loose. He threw the helm to the side and turned back towards William. Basil looked upon William. His hair was grey as ash and his skin was black and cracked as coal. Smoke elevated from the armor and around his head. A slight dim glow escaped from the cracks. William turned around and revealed his eyes. They were black and seemingly dead except for the slight dim glowing purple eyes. Basil did not know what to think. He was not really surprised but he had never thought Friyena would have created a monster of a human.
“My mission is to prepare the world for Moktaraktus. I love seeing the humans’ dance, sing, play and love for life. I want them to be happy forever without the fear of the abyss. I will do whatever it takes. I will do the most honorable and dishonorable things. I succeeded and I failed with so much but everything I do is to prepare for the day when Septhis arrives. For when Moktaraktus arrives, when Septhis brings the abyss we shall be ready and we shall destroy Septhis so that life will continue and the world will go on without fear. I will do whatever it takes Basil, I will even put you down if that is what I must do. Is it what I must do, Basil?” Friyena said
“How can you seek to use the abyss after you saw what the Margeficus did?” Basil said as he raised his sword that began to burn and glow even more.
Black smoke and dim black flames began to arise around William’s blade. William moved forward determined with his sword in hand. He raised it and struck down towards Basil who swung up his own sword. The flames of the swords collided and sparks and smoke began to spread. William’s attack was strong when he swung again he swung his blade even faster than before. The attacks were many and carried much strength. Basil had difficult to repel each attack. His defense began to falter and finally William managed to cut open a wound in Basil’s thigh. Basil screamed as he feel back. William did not swing another. Friyena expected Basil to give up and go home, but he did not.
Basil tore a piece of his cloth and wrapped it around the wound before he stood up. His leg hurt but he would falter again. Basil channeled more of the white flame so that his left arm began to hurt. He attacked William with flames widely spreading from his sword. William easily blocked it as he was still much faster but every strike from Basil seemed to burn onto his armor as the white flames overtook the black. William’s sword began to burn even more and more smoke left it. But as he channeled strength, so Basil. Basil channeled a flame stronger than he ever had before as he continued to attack William. The pain was screaming in his arm but he ignored it as best as he could.
The white and black flames twisted around them in the dark smoke. Drops began to fall onto the floor around them. Basil noticed his left arm had begun to bleed, heavily. The pain grew deeper and became more difficult to withstand. Basil was then pushed back by a kick from William. Basil coughed blood onto the floor before he stood up again. He did not his limits so he did care to follow them. Basil channeled of the flame as he possibly could. The pain felt as if his bone began to break into thousands of pieces inside his arm. The blood even began to burn up on the outside of his arm. Basil took both his hands around the blade and dashed towards William.
A sound echoed through the room. It sounded as if something cracked or broke. Basil just continued forward towards William. Basil struck from his left shoulder and down to his right hip. William swung towards Basil at the same time. Basil swung the blade and fell to the ground. He dropped the blade somewhere that he could not see. His head was spinning, he was in pain and his left arm was so numb it felt as if had been cut off. Basil looked towards Friyena who looked upon him in almost shock. Had he killed William? A few seconds passed before he heard the sound of metal walking over the stone floor. He then saw William walking to his helmet which he took up and put on. When he turned around, Basil saw a huge white glowing cut in breastplate. William then proceeded to walk towards a door in the back of the room.
The moment later the door in the front opened and the noise from many metal boots running on stone floor could was heard.
”My lady. What has happened?” said the guardian knight from earlier. Two guards helped Basil up on his legs.
“This knight here. He raised his sword towards me.” Friyena said while looking at Basil with pity in her eyes.
“What? This knight? … Then the procedures shall be taken. Unless you wish otherwise my lady.” the knight said with a voice very doubtful. Friyena turned towards Basil.
“Basil. I give you this chance. Forget all of this and forgive what have happened. Plead yourself once again to me. If you do that, I shall let you go free. I will even let you leave the knighthood if would want.”
Basil looked upon Friyena without saying a word. Friyena understood his eyes clearly. She looked down in disappointment.
“Take him away” She said in an almost sad voice.
“You heard the lady. Take away the traitor.” Said the knight. Basil was led away and soon he was chained as well. Just before they left the room, he looked back and saw Friyena move aside the flowers from the throne and sit down. She lowered her head into her hands. Then the doors closed behind them.
Where had he gone? The sun was heading down in the west. Janet had been searching through the harbor, the barracks, the training grounds, the order’s library, stables and any other location she could think of for Basil but he were nowhere to be found. After she had searched for so long she began to believe that he had just been an imagination of her missing him. It had felt so real. Could it really have been her imagination? Aelia was probably right. She worried so much that she lost focus on reality. That made her think. Maybe she should speak to Aelia, she was quite good at getting her on her on other thoughts. So Janet began to walk back to the training grounds where Aelia was supposed to be training her soldiers.
As Janet was heading back towards the training grounds she was met by a couple of other knights that were walking towards the western plaza. They seemed worried and angry about something. Janet hurried up a little. She did not get very far to the training grounds before Aelia appeared before her. Aelia also looked worried and deep in thought.
“Aelia! Has something happened?” Janet almost shouted as she approached Aelia.
“Janet, You don’t know? A messenger recently came by and told us someone in the order had raised his sword against Friyena. He has been declared a traitor and is about punished for it.” She said.
Janet froze up. What if it’s Basil?
“What? Who? Why? When did it happen?” Janet asked worryingly. “That was what we were told. We were not told who did it and why nor when.” said Aelia.
“Does the people know?” asked Janet.
“No but they will soon. This stuff will spread faster than fire.” Said Aelia.
Janet and Aelia continued towards the western plaza and spoke only a little during the way. As they came closer, more citizens began to crowd the streets in the same direction indication that what Aelia said was true. When Janet and Aelia came to the plaza, the people had already begun to gather. The so called traitor had not been brought yet but at the stairs stood a couple of knights, priests and some workers. At the sides of the stair platform the bowls had already been lit. In the middle of the platform stood a large black bowl with a small wooden platform behind it. On the sides of the bowl were two metal rings. More people arrived at the plaza and the shouts from the crowd became louder. “Bring out the traitor! Let him pay! How could anyone turn against our savior?” shouted them. Even the knights joined in the crowd for it was their order that being harmed by the traitor. Aelia wanted to cheer as well but resisted as she saw Janet’s worried expression.
Not before the crowd had reached tens of thousands spectators did the doors to the mansion behind up the stairs open. First came a captain of the palace guard, followed by two guardian knights, the high priest Kostavus, the royal family, the masters of the order and some other people with great power. The royal family and the masters of the order took their positions almost at the highest point of the stairs. Kostavus walked down in front of the black bowl.
“Citizens of Crastine! It is with a heavy heart that I must inform you that this morning. A noble and honorable knight of the order of Friyena broke his eternal oath and raised his sword towards the lady. Never have a crime of this magnitude occurred within the order itself. The order and her knights stand as beacons of light in this time of darkness. They are the sword that cuts through the monsters of the abyss and they are the shields that protect our people, our kingdom and our realm! The order has and will always be fighting for our sake.
The knight knew his honor, his oath and his purpose from the very day he bowed and received his blade. At the very moment he raised his sword towards the lady, he broke his honor, his oath and the perfection of the order that has never betrayed us nor the lady. Death is not a punishment for such action. There is only one punishment worthy of such traitorous act. The traitor shall be not be named for he does no longer deserve to bear the name he was given. His name shall be removed from the records and all mentions of him shall be destroyed. He shall become nameless as he and his name will be forgotten. His soul shall not go to the afterlife for he does not deserve death.
Bring out the traitor!
Upon his command, two priests stepped out of the doors holding some special kind of jugs in their hands. Behind them came four guards and in between them walked Basil, chained to his neck and arms.
“Basil!?” Janet almost shouted.
“Shhh! You should not speak his name anymore Janet. He is nameless now.” Aelia said also a little confused.
“What are you saying? He is our friend. We both know him. He cannot be a traitor.” Said Janet.
“Whatever he did, whatever reason he had, he knew the rules, the oath. He knew what would happen to him. It is his own fault and now he is nameless and a nameless does not have nor deserve friends.” Aelia said.
”I do not believe what you are saying. How can you say that? There must be some misunderstanding. Where is Friyena? She can stop this.” Janet said in denial towards Aelia as she backed away from her. At the front on the platform, the guards were just connecting the chains around Basil’s arms to the rings at the sides of the bowl and the chain around his neck to a ring at the bottom of the bowl. Janet looked towards Basil and then she turned around and began to run the quickest way towards the palace. She ran through huge crowds of people heading in the other direction. She ran straight towards the stables where Nadja was, she unleashed, and mounted her before she rode straight towards the palace as fast as she could.
On the way she accidently knocked down a couple of people that did not move out of the way fast enough as she shouted. When she approached the gates to the stairs, the guards raised their hands to make her stop. Janet did not stop so the guards had to jump out of the way as she rode straight past them and up the stairs. “Stop right there! Intrusion! Intrusion!” the guards shouted behind her. Janet rode up the stairs and then directly towards the palace. When the palace guards noticed her they tried to make a shield wall but as the horse came closer they jumped aside as well.
As Janet rode through the hallway, the guards shouted behind her. Soon guards began to run out from the different doors and hallways, trying to stop Janet but without succession. Janet rode straight up ant through the doors to Friyena’s chapel that were open. Two persons that stood in the room shouted as she rode past them and up through the left door into Friyena’s chamber.
“Friyena, you must stop them! They are about to send Basil! Janet shouted as she jumped off Nadja and continued to ran towards Friyena who stood in front of her chair. William stepped before Janet and grabbed her while the guards streamed into the doors.
“I’m sorry my lady. We tried to stop her but we will immediately bring her away.” said one of the guards.
“Leave us.” Friyena said.
“But my lady. She’s an intruder.”
“Leave us!” Friyena now shouted at the guards.
“Eh, of course, of course my lady.” The somewhat confused guard said before he ordered all the others to leave as well.
“You also William” Friyena then added when the guards were leaving. William released Janet and walked to the door in the back of the room. Nadja in the front of the room had just begun to drink from the water canals at the flower garden.
“Friyena. They are making Basil to a nameless. You can stop it. You must help him.” Said Janet.
“I’m sorry Janet but I can’t save him. I tried to make him save himself but he refused.” said Friyena.
“I don’t understand. Why would he refuse to save himself?” said Janet.
“Something had happened to him in Dormania. His eyes spoke of meaningless murder and hatred. I thought I could save everyone from their hatred but I could not save him. If he had not turned against me he would have turned against someone else that he had sworn to protect.”
“Then why send him, why make him nameless. Why not just take his knighthood away from him?” said Janet.
“If the people found out that a knight had broken his oath and was among them. They would begin to question if any more people, powerful and dangerous as him would be among them. They would begin to doubt the order and the knights. The people need to trust their knights through everything.” Friyena said as she picked up a sheathed sword from beside her chair.
“But why making him nameless? Why not just execute him. Letting his name and memory remain?” said Janet.
“We never thought anyone would ever break the oath. We made sure that no one ever would. We were naïve. The people had to trust that no knight would ever betray their oath so the punishment for it was set as the most crucial possible. Because I thought no one would ever go through it, to become sent and nameless. I am sorry Janet. Basil was given his chance to redemption but he refused.” Said Friyena as she approached Janet and laid her hands around her.
Janet embrace Friyena. “I will never be able to forget him. I don’t want to forget him. I don’t care if he becomes nameless. He will always be Basil for me.” Friyena let Janet embrace for a longer moment before she released her. She raised up the sword she had in both hands to Janet. “If anyone has the right to remember Basil then it is you Janet.”
Janet looked up at Friyena and at the sword. She would recognize it anywhere. The Flame Song. Something looked strange about it though. Janet took the blade and felt a strange feeling, as if the blade was burning even though she did not channel any flame through it. She drew the sword out of its sheath and saw that the blade had been seemingly broken into tens of pieces but each piece was being held together by streams of white glowing cracks that began as one large at the base and spread out into many further out. “What happened to it?” Janet asked.
“Somehow, Basil’s flame was so strong that it broke the blade without destroying it. Not even I know how he could do it.” said Friyena.
Janet channeled a slight amount of the flame and she felt how the it spread through the cracks and left a more focused and stronger flame. Janet sheathed the blade and reached it to Friyena.
“The sword is yours by right. May it serve you well.”
Janet held the sword in her arms and brought it closer to her breast. There was nothing she could do now to save Basil. All she could do was to remember him so he did not turn truly nameless
-------------------------------- The crowd were shouting and pointing towards Basil. He did not listen as he was looking out over them, trying to find Janet. After a while he found Aelia who looked back at him but he could not see Janet. Did she even know or was she keeping away to avoid see what would happen to him? That she was not there made him more happy than sad. He did not want her to see him. The high priest continued to speak his speech but it sounded just like mumbling to Basil. “Nameless” was one of few words he caught but also “savior Friyena”. Basil got enough of the lies so he shouted out.
“Friyena is not a savior! The gods does not care about any of us! They wanted to sacrifice us! It was they who sent the Margeficus. It was them who killed all of your loved ones! Don’t trust the gods! Don’t trust Friyena!” Basil shouted in anger.
The crowd was shocked but the high priest quickly began to speak. “Don’t listen to the traitor. He betrayed the goddess and he would betray any of you! Silence the nameless traitor and let his punishment arrive!”
A guard wrapped a cloth around Basil’s mouth and then the two priests arrived beside him with their jugs. The high priest began to speak in ancient language “Efilmi’ara ashnio ofur ochu aha’kon efuri eshurien. Verfuru eshun et’efor vahu esun eri akon’foralt. Akon’foralt.” The crowd cheered “akon’foralt” over and over. The two priests removed screwed off an iron lid from the jugs and began to pour a black liquid into the bowl while the crowd still cheered. The high priest raised his hand to silence the crowd. Zieaka don, Zieaka aeston, Zieaka kisaron, Zieaka akon he said.
The priest now poured more black liquid but over Basil’s head. As soon as the liquid touched his head he screamed of pain. It felt very cold at the same time as it burned through his flesh. The liquid burned his skin as it streamed down his face, leaving a burned grey black surface. Black smoke began to rise from him. The black liquid in the bowl now began to crawl up the chain and onto Basil, burning him. The liquid spread over him, burning his skin black, his hair grey, his clothes dark and his eyes began to lose their colour. Basil felt his life trying to escape but it was trapped by the liquid. Everything began to turn silent and dark. Then when He was not strong enough to stand against it, he fell forward down into the bowl and sank until he was gone. Trapped in the abyss.
If you want to bring the new story and world alive, then go for it! No matter if you fail or succeed, if it's something you truly wish to try out, then that's a reason enough to try. I'm sure others want that as well and are here to support you!
I have just finished the prologue of the story. Since I this time seek to make a real book and story out of this, I would like to ask you guys if anyone is willing to read it and give feedback on the writing and story approaches. I have a few friends irl that will help me but more is just better. I might post some chapters here on this forum but for the most part I will send word documents by male. So those that want to help can expect some random dude with a bunch of paperwork at their doorstep someday. Hurr hurr.
For real though. I would love any help I could get. I don't need help for at least a couple of months so I talk mainly about November and forward if I get to that stage.
Now I haven't been able to get as much time for writing as I first intended but I have gotten up the speed now in October. Writing a book with publishing intentions makes it much more nerve wrecking to write, at least id does for me. In a way, more time has been spent to convince myself that it might work and also keeping myself from floating away into distant dreams and hoping too much.
I am very close to finish chapter 1 and I had planned to finish chapter 3 or 4 before I send out them for test reading.
I will try to keep up the pace more and finish these chapters before Christmas and send them out to you and other eventual test readers. My goal is at least 100.000-140.000 words for the finished book and I am right now at 8.000 with an aim of 500 per day so that should lead to a finished book in later spring.
So I am not dead and I am still writing.
I'll try to update the progress at least once per month from now-on. If I fail to do that, I give you the official permission to call me "sleepyhead" and "lollygagging sloth".
I know there is more pressure as you write with publishing intentions. My only advice is that you keep it out of your mind as you write, and do the same thing for other unnecessary thoughts. Think of nothing else except the story you're working on.
Can't wait until I can test read the first chapters of the story! I'll keep my thumbs up for you, even if you don't remember to update regularly!
@TenebrisNemo Hehe, yeah I have been rather busy since I got my new temporary job.
Yeah. The mental weight is rather heavy but it goes in waves. Sometimes I read way too much into how to write a book and all guidelines and requirements quickly become overwhelming, especially since I write in English which is not even my mother tongue. Other times I read that I should "screw the rules" and just write. See where I get and try to make the best of it.
I have begun reading A game of thrones in English and it made me realize that it is all just text, like mine. There is almost that I think my work have an advantage since I use a simpler language without harming the world building, hopefully.
I have now written 11.600 words. The first chapter became very long at 7.000 words and the prologue at 3.000. I plan for the second and third chapter to be not more than 5.000 words but we'll see about that.
@Bowler218 I could let you read these first test chapters. I would however need you to give back critic that I can use to make it better.
@Jonteman93 I’m no writer, but I think you should develop your own writing style that is unique to you. Maybe it is blending many different writing techniques you’ve read about. At the end of the day, it is your book, and you shouldn’t feel bound to certain guidelines that other writers developed for themselves. When I read a book, I love seeing how different writers tell stories differently, and you should know that your way is just as good as any other
@Everyone I have now finished the second chapter and is on 15 300 words. That is for prologue and two chapters. I got stuck at one place and only managed to write a few hundred words in four days so it took longer than anticipated.
Since my word count is so large already and I feel I want more to be told. I have thought about expanding the two first chapters into three instead. This however will have to wait for the first or second edit.
As I have earlier mentioned. I will write the first three chapters (or four if I expand) before I send them to you guys for test reading. I will make one or two edits before then but not more since I want the first manuscript to be finished before I make any hard dedicated editing.
Since this time I am making an actual book, I would like to remain in control of what I choose to post so I will not post any real chapters in this forum. Instead I will send the test reads on mail to those of you who want to participate and have given me a mail address.
[Wait for confirmation from Corwinnn before you send your mail.]
I will now do a rough edit of these chapters and the prologue. I will make finer edits when I have reached further into the story. When I am finished with that I will send out a file to those of you who have provided me with an email to send it to. So those of you who want to help me, please send me your mail addresses. As I said earlier. I don't want to post this story anymore where I am not in direct control.
What I would like as feedback is mainly how the language is working. If there is anything that feels outright bad or good. If the narrative is not connected well enough to the rest and anything you can think of. I seek constructive critic that can help this story maybe become something that resembles a book series one day so be critical about it. Thank you. Even just one single sentence that describes what you feel about the story does also work as feedback.
Of course I can't force you to give me feedback if you don't want to. But if you don't give me feedback I will reconsider sending you any additional chapters in the future.
@TenebrisNemo@Lujikul@Bowler218@shadow123 and @everyone I am sorry that it is taking so much time. I promised to make a rough edit but it almost became more of a complete rewrite instead which is taking much more time. Also with Christmas around I did not make many pages of work.
I will hopefully soon be able to send out this new draft to you all. After I have done that I will change my method. Instead of writing a couple of chapters and then editing them, I will instead write the whole book with only spelling corrections now and then. This will leave a rougher first draft but the end result will probably either be better, take considerably less time in total or both.
I will go through this a little more after I have sent out the draft to you.
@Jonteman93 - There is nothing you need to be sorry about. It's your project, so take all the time you want. Hope you had a wonderful Christmas and that you have fun writing!
@TenebrisNemo@Lujikul@Bowler218@shadow123 and @everyone I have finally finished the rewrite. It took much longer than I had anticipated but at least it is finished. To keep my sanity, I won't make an edit on the rewritten material before the complete first draft is finished.
At the moment you read this, I should have sent you the first part. If you want to give ant feedback on this, I'll appreciate it. But of course this is only a first draft that will be improved further, quite much further, in the future.
For the rest of the book, I will continually write until I have finished it and I will do so without any deeper edits such as this rewrite was. I will however do spelling and minor corrections between certain milestones and then distribute the parts to those who wants to read them. When I have finished the book I will begin with the rough editing, and then finer and finer editing. I have thus also left the formatting until then. Also, many names, locations and events are still preliminary so they may come to change in the future. I left more than neccesarily in these chapters so that I can remove them later if they can either be moved or doesn't add enough.
I hope you'll find some entertainment in my writing, now or later.
Hello! How is everything going this dark January month? Have you been able to start "smelling" on my material (Kind of Swedish proverb) If so. What do you guys think? Is there some potential in it or is it still too unrefined to give any indications?
I will soon continue writing after taking a short break. I will then do as I said earlier and write to finish the book with minor spell-checks now and then. The next sharing will happen approximately after 3-5 chapters, when Basil have arrived in Crastine. I will also not send out any further chapters on mail but instead upload them to a shared drive of some sort that you will get access to.
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“erd’ar avie aliono osh artna oh mana asnie lev’ashi-...” Some voices were mumbling. The voices echoed dull around Basil. He coughed and comforted his fragile body. He felt for the wound but there was nothing there as if he had never received it. Basil opened his eyes slowly. He lied down on some glass or crystal floor. Above the floor was thick mist covering everything else. He slowly went up on his knees and then his feet. He wore his civil clothes from home and the Flame song where nowhere to be seen. The mumbling voices became duller until they disappeared completely. Basil looked around. He seemed to be in some endless field of mist. All around stood metal bowls with stakes. From the bowls, mist sipped out and into the sea of it. In the sky were long stripped clouds and beyond them was what seemed like a burning moon, shining upon it all.
Basil stretched his right hand towards the moon. He moved his hand and fingers as to visualise him holding the moon. A ball of blue and green flame from the moon fell slowly towards the mist, which began to change colours as the ball of fire came close. A large arm moved around basil and grabbed the burning mist in a bowl. The arm withdrew back behind Basil. He turned around and saw a large deity that was at least four times as tall as he was. The deity moved the burning bowl closer to his head. The mist began to stream up to him and absorbed into him. When the flame was gone, he put down the bowl and looked at Basil.
“Basil. Do you know why you are you here?”
Basil looked upon the deity. He thought he would feel awed by the presence but he felt nothing.
“I don’t know why I am here. You are Decaotus?”
“Yes I am. You rage through this land, killing people you do not need to kill. You almost even killed an unborn that shares your own blood yet you do not know why?
”I was. I am searching for those responsible for the Margeficus. The monster that killed so many, killed my parents and caused all of this.”
“Basil, do you fear the abyss? Do you fear the destruction and death it brings upon your world?”
”Yes? Of course I do. Why would even ask that?
”The abyss is growing stronger behind its gate. It leaks into the world in the form of beasts yet it grows to one day break that very gate. You know that already.”
“Moktaraktus, the day Septhis breaks the gate and brings the forces of the abyss to our world. Everyone knows that and it what we are prepared for. It is why Friyena train us, to be prepared and save the world from ending.”
“It will not matter how many knights she train, how many soldiers she gather in her army. When the Septhis comes and brings Moktaraktus. The mortal realm will fall.”
“You know nothing more about than Friyena. She believes we can succeed and we will!”
“The abyss is like water and the gate is like a dam. Even how strong the dam is it will not hold if the water is not allowed to leak through. When it finally breaks, it will spell doom for everything that lives beneath. Friyena knew this. We had to do something to save the mortal realm. That is why we sent the Margeficus.”
Basil took a step back. “What!? You sent him!?
”Yes. We five decided that it was the only solution. The Margeficus was supposed to create a huge wound in the world where the abyss would fall back and descend into the depths. It would have saved the rest of the world for thousands of years if not forever. Frieyna brought him to us but she could not stand watching him destroy your realm.
”You’re lying! Friyena would never release such monster upon us! You’re trying to put me against her just like you betrayed her!”
I never betrayed her. She betrayed us. She broke the pact and entered the mortal realm to bring down the Margeficus. She has ensured the arrival of Septhis. Even then, she did not save your parents nor did she save your friend, Lily.”
Basil moved his had to draw his sword, which he did not have. “You’re lying!”
I never tell lies, Basil. You do not believe me for you see me as an enemy. Go, go south to Swadgena and speak to my brother Terrodus. May his word make you see the truth. Now go Basil.”
The mist around Basil began to burn in a blue green flame that rose above Basil. Soon after, he woke up in a bed. Beside him sat two priests that had taken care of his wounds. They held a bowl from which smoke rose. Over Basil was a bunch of flower leaves scattered. The priests spoke in some ancient language as they spoke to the smoke it looked like.
Just like any other Dormanian, these people did not speak Evilerian but neither did they speak Dormanian, at least not the eastern or southern languages. It would probably not have made any difference anyway since they did not speak to Basil. They somewhat knew already what they had to knew. They gave Basil food and clothes and took care of his wounds. In addition to the two priests that took care of Basil, there were nine more of various ages. When Basil was good enough to walk they headed to the northern great lake where they got a small ship. With the ship, they sailed south through the great lake rivers.
When the ship docked at the island of Swadgena, The priests led him far up and into the island. The island was not controlled by any Dormanian kingdom and was home to most of the priests of the ancient. The island was well taken care of and beautiful with millions of flowers, trees and stone white stone structures that followed the flow of the island. Basil had been given attire similar to that which the priests used. A black robe with a white and yellow belt and around his neck, he wore a white cloth piece called an “egritkna” that that covered his shoulders and upper back and chest. They walked up a stone path until they came to a small village of seven houses made almost entirely of white stone. They spent the night in the village together with a bunch of other priests that was there since earlier.
The day after, Basil and one other priest from the group set off further up the island. They walked over yet another stone path that led up to the temple building on top of the island. The inside was decorated with old images of the gods and many of the walls had shelves with old books on them. Those were not of interest for Basil or the priest who walked to the altar in the middle of the temple. The priest put his hand on the altar and said “El’isna af’ina evonio avan fer’ahan” The altar responded to the priest’s words and began to glide out of position revealing a stairway. The priest walked down first and Basil followed. The stairs led down and into a spherical room with a bowl in the middle. The walls and roof where covered with ancient figures and texts. The priest walked to the back of the room and retrieved a jug. He then walked up toward the bowl and signed that Basil did the same. He began pouring out a dark liquid from the jug into the bowl. When the Jug was empty, he took a step back and opened his arms. Basil took a deep breath and lowered his head into the liquid.
Basil began to lose the feeling of his feet, legs, body, arms and head as he held his head in the liquid. It began to feel as he was drowning so he began to breath. It felt as he was floating so he opened his eyes. In front of him he saw a lifeless face drenched in a black liquid. The face screamed silently ass it was dragged back into the depth. The person pushed up his hand from the liquid but hit was sounded like thick glass before the hand was pulled in as well. Basil looked around and saw that he was floating just above a large glass gate that separated him from the abyss. He turned his feet towards the gate and landed on it as a platform. He looked around. He was in what looked like the sky. There were clouds everywhere and in the distance was the sun shining upon him. A large deity floated towards the platform where Basil stood.
”I would have presented myself but you already know who I am, as you have been come her to speak with me.”
Basil backed off a few steps to give a room for Terrodus. He did however not land as he continued to float aside the platform.
“I have come to ask you if it is true what Decaotus says. That you released the Margeficus upon Aveliade. That Friyena betrayed a pact she had with you? Is that true?”
“Decaotus never tell lies, nor does he always tell truths. It is true though what he says. We did make a monster of the Margeficus. A monster meant to destroy, to save. Because we could not see what Friyena saw, hope.
Decaotus follows logic while Friyena follows heart. She did oppose the pact we made so far ago, but she never broke it. For she never made the pact.”
“Why?”
”When she arrived to us, we had already made the pact. We could not leave her alone so we took her in as one of our own. She never took the pact because she was never one of us.”
”What. Is Friyena not a god?”
“No. She is not. She is something much lesser yet far greater.” Terrodus stretched out his hand and channeled mana through it. A flow of white light gathered in his hand and formed into a blade of light. “A heirloom of her true heritage. A blade of Dawn Silver.”
The blade dissembled into light again that spread afar.
“She is not truly one of us so she cannot truly understand our darkness as we cannot understand her hope. We choose to use the magic of the abyss once in hope to save Avelaide and innocent lives were lost for it. Friyena did it not once but twice, and innocent lives were lost again.”
”Not a god? She used the abyssal magic twice and innocent lives were lost? Why did she do it again? Basil moved around in circles, conflicted.
”The only one that can truly answer for the reason of her actions is Friyena herself. Return to her. The priests will take you back to Lisakdonia. Good bye Basil”
Basil began to float up from the platform. He began to rise up faster and faster until everything became darker and finally black. Basil withdrew his head from the bowl and liquid. The priest welcomed him back with a bow. They walked back to the village and spent the remaining of the day there. The after they returned to the ship and began to sail west through the long rivers until they reached the ocean. From there they continued west over the ocean back to Lisakdonia.
It was an unusually cold winter in Crastine. Snow was falling gently over the city that rarely has to see any frost at all. The streets and inner water canals were covered in thin layers of ice. On almost every street were tracks from the carts that had been transporting firewood around the city. The streets were much less trafficked by citizens that preferred to stay at home or at the taverns. Those that were moving around the city held their arms towards their chests to keep their heat. The sun had almost disappeared beneath the western mountains behind the grey sky. Most of the direct light that touched the city’s stone streets and walls came from the buildings themselves.
Basil stood at the southern harbor watching in over the city that he had left more than half a year ago. It was his home yet it felt different. He remained there for a rather long time, almost half an hour. He just drifted away in his thoughts. The last time he had been here he had been here with them. All of them. Antonio, Janet, Alice, Rowan, Magnus, Helen, Aelia. Are Janet and Aelia still here? Basil looked up towards the huge palace. Friyena had her chamber there within. Had she really done what Decaotus and Terrodus said she had done? Had she seen the destruction and still sought the abyssal powers to create another monster? Monster? Basil held his hand over the eagle pommel of Flame Song. His thoughts turned back to Zenaida as he turned towards the ocean in the east.
No, they deserved what came to them. They must have.
Basil stopped thinking as if his mind resisted his own thoughts. He stroke his right hand over his hair which had been covered in snow. For a second he wondered if Janet would even recognize him. What if she doesn’t? Maybe she has accepted that he is gone forever and thus forgot about him? Maybe she found another. The thoughts within Basil began conflict with each other so he just shook his head in an attempt to remove them as he began to walk forward.
Basil walked over the thin snow towards the eastern gate that leads to the palace stairs. The gate was closed and before it stood three palace guards dressed in what looked like wolf fur. As Basil approached them one of the guards raised his hand and said.
“Halt there. The palace is out of reach for anyone unauthorized during the night.”
“I am a knight of Friyena. I seek an audience with her.” Basil responded as he stopped before the guard.
“Rank?” The guard said.
”Field Knight” Basil answered.
“Your rank is too low to meet Friyena. Also she is not here this evening so you need to come back tomorrow anyway and try again then.”.
”Why did you not say that in the first place?” Basil said.
”New rules. Unspecialized knights are unauthorized to meet the lady.”
“What? You say that I cannot meet her? I was trapped in Dormania after the battle for over six months! I have even slayed an Akon beast to save a town and you say that I am not allowed to meet her?”
The guards now looked at each other while mumbling confusedly. The guard turned back to Basil after a short moment.
“If it is true as you say then return tomorrow and the order will see to it that you become rightfully promoted. You might also meet the lady then. Now good night sir.” The guard said before turning his back to Basil and returning to his post.
Since there was nothing more Basil could do there, he began to walk towards the order’s barracks. He did not stop until he could see the top of the building appear before him. He approached the gates and stopped. He looked up towards the windows of the end of the third floor. A light came from within. Would it really be wise to see Janet at this time? Basil stood there for a short while thinking before he decided it was best to wait until after. He turned around and began to walk to his own home.
When Basil came close to the building where he lived, he noticed a dim light escaping from the windows. There were also a set of footsteps at the door. Two sets to and one set from it. Someone had taken his home from him. It made him furious. The home that belonged to his mother and father. Instead of walking away, Basil drew out his sword and approached the door. He quickly opened the door and stepped inside with his sword before him. On the table in the outer room were a single candle, a couple of letters and a fur coat. Basil turned his sword towards the door to the other room as the housebreaker stepped forward with a sword ready in hand. They both stood there for a few seconds that felt almost like minutes.
“Basil?”
Janet lowered her sword and walked towards Basil. She embraced him as he did her. “ I thought I would never see you again. I thought you were dead Basil.” Janet said from beneath Basil’s beard at his chest as tears were filling her eyes. Basil buried his nose in Janet’s hair. Memories of them dancing in the ball bloomed up within his mind. A feeling of soft and warmth overwhelmed him as he had not felt such feelings for so long so he also began to cry. Basil cried so that he began to laugh. “What is so funny?” Janet asked as she also began to laugh. Basil did not answer and instead began dandle around as they had done during the dance half a year ago. They laughed even more as they swung around gently.
When they stopped laughing, they continued to dance around gently and tightly together. Warmth grew between them. The dance turned to a kiss and lust. A lust that would not have grown so easily half a year ago but now burned through them. They went to bed together and their lustful feelings just exploded.
The sun began to rise up over the snow covered Crastine. Basil sat at the side of his parent’s bed looking at Janet who was sleeping deeply. He let his hand stroke over her shoulder and her soft blonde hair before he stood up from the bed. He dressed himself and took Flame Song before he stepped out of the house. The streets were mostly empty and shiningly white from the sun’s early light touching the snow. Basil took a deep cold breath before he began to walk towards the palace.
The gates were open and only two guards were position beside it. Basil walked straight by them and up towards the stairs. The stairs were rose long and tall over the rest of the city to the central platform. Flags and banners were resting upon their poles decorating them red and white. A large number of servants were working on the platform to remove the snow from the colored stones. Basil only gave a short look towards them before he walked towards the palace building. The entrance to the palace was decorated with eight marble pillars with a palace guard in front of each. The guards stopped Basil as he approached and asked his ground of visit. Upon answering the question, the guards called for their captain, one of the guardian knights to which Basil showed his emblem and sword.
“You have been expected Basil, slayer of an akon as the rumors says. The lady has been asking for you so please follow me.” the guardian knight said as he began to lead Basil into the palace.
“Excuse me but I must say that you look particularly young for have been defeating an akon on your own. Forgive me if I ask but how old are you actually?” the knight asked as they came into a large open hall room with many doors on the sides.
“I became twenty years old past autumn and I did not really defeat it by my own. The town that was being attacked was still fighting against the monster when I arrived.” Basil said while looking around on the tall royal decorated walls of the hall.
“Even with the help of an army, to be able to slay an Akon at your young age is a feat beyond incredible. Unbelievable even but we have all seen miracles happen before, haven’t we?” the knight said.
Many of the doors on the side of the hall lead to corridors or stairs but the large ones lead to significantly important locations. To the right was a large door that lead to the Vearone’s throne room. A door to the left lead to some kind of meeting room and another lead to what looked like a lecture hall. At the end of the hall where three doors. The left door was closed but held the sign of the order. The right door was also closed but Basil knew that it lead to the order’s headquarter and the seats of the masters and Letholdus. Between them was a large white door with Friyena’s symbol upon it. It had earlier led to the temple of Friyena but since the Margeficus attack it had been remade. Basil and the knight stopped before the three doors.
“I will go and tell the masters that you have arrived. You do as you want if you want to answer the lady’s call now or wait and do it after the meeting with the masters. See you later.” The knight said before he went into the right doorway. Basil now stood alone before the mighty white door that lead to Friyena’s chamber. It felt strange have been called for by her now. If it had happened earlier he would have entered with pride and joy. Now he stood there with no pride or joy but fear. Not a violent fear but a gentle fear that is telling him to leave it, to walk back. But if he turned back he would never know the real truth. Maybe that would be for the best. Basil began to turn around when a small, cold and yet familiar wind moved past him and the white doors began to open. Basil turned towards the opened doors for a few seconds and then he stepped inside.
The doors closed behind him as he stepped a few steps up into a large circular room with an altar in the middle with flowers and candles upon it. The walls were filled with banners, paintings and other decorations. The paintings illustrated all from Friyena as a god to her fighting and defeating the Margeficus. From the roof hanged a large silver chandelier and from it hanged vine looking strings with blooming flowers.
”Basil, I am back here” Said a woman from a room in the back.
Basil walked around the room to the left side and through an opening. The other room was much larger than the room before. It was twice as tall and had a roof of both uncolored and colored glass. The floor on each side of were filled with planted flowers and other plants of all possible colors. Between the flowers ran small paths of waters that spread around the whole inside garden. Around the walls stood half pillars with bowls with fire on them. Between the flower gardens ran a pathway that led towards the other half of the room that were a couple of steps up. At the back of the elevated floor stood a white golden throne that was filled with flowers and on its back stood a white sheathed sword. The floor in front of the throne was large and open. At the side of the room at the wall stood a single knight in complete body covered armor, William. At the throne in a white and gold dress stood Friyena who just put aside a jug on the throne.
“Welcome Basil. You wanted to see me?” Friyena said with a gentle smile. A smile that used to make Basil warm but this time it did not. Basil walked up the few steps and then stopped.
“Yes I did.” Basil said.
“Is something wrong?” Friyena asked. She had noticed that Basil had not gone down on his right knee nor did he bow. Even if Friyena never asked nor demanded for such acts the knights always did so by their own code of honor and decency.
”When I was Dormania I encountered Decaotus. He told me some things. He said that you and they created the Margeficus. That you let the monster kill hundreds of thousands of innocent people. My mom and dad.” said Basil as if the forced himself to say it.
”I spoke to Terrodus as well. He said that you had created another monster after the Margeficus. He said that even more innocent people had died because of you.” Basil said as he interrupted Friyena. Basil held his left hand over the pommel of his sword as he looked at William who stepped a few steps forward towards Basil while holding a hand over his own sword.
“Basil you should…” Friyena said.
”Did you do it? Did you create the Margeficus?” Basil said as he interrupted Friyena again.
William now stepped and stopped in front of Basil turned towards him, still holding his hand over the sword. Friyena was speechless and almost chocked. She looked at Basil who was very upset and shacking uncontrollably. He would not leave before he got an answer nor would he accept a lie. Even if it was best for him.
“Yes Basil. I helped them trap the Margeficus to create an incomplete akon vegrin.” She said
Basil felt cold in his whole body upon hearing it.
”Did you let my mom and dad die by the monster? Did you let the monster kill Tengil so the Kilmaeren could roam freely and kill Lily? Did you let Margeficus weaken us so the Stelladorans saw their chance and declare war upon us? A war that took the lives of Antonio, Alice, Rowan, Helen and Magnus?” Basil said as his eyes widened and he took a firmer grip on the handle of Flame Song.
“I did not want anyone to die Basil” she said
“But you let them die! You could have saved them.” he said.
“I wanted to save them but I could not betray my brothers and sisters. I wanted to stop the Margeficus but I did not find the courage to break the promise until I was shown the bravery that humans possess and I decided to break the promise. Enough people had died.” she said.
“But enough people had not died. You created a second monster and more people died because of it?” He said.
“You should leave, Basil.” she said.
William now drew his sword and pointed towards the door behind Basil. Basil did not turn. Instead, he drew his own sword and stood face to face with William.
“Do you even seek to protect us?” Basil said.
“That is my sole purpose.” Friyena said.
William now walked towards Basil and grabbed his should to force him out. Williams grab held much strength behind it and something else that Basil felt. The feeling turned to cold fury and Basil turned around his right shoulder as he raised his sword and swung it towards William. William got hit on his helm that moved slightly out of place. It was strange. William was supposed to be one the best knights of them all and yet he fell for such simple move.
“Stop it!” Friyena now shouted.
William recovered very quickly, raised his sword, and moved forward towards Basil. He tried to punch Basil with his left fist as he swung the sword with his right. Basil easily dodged the punch and raised his sword to block the attack. He almost fell back as the sword hit with an inhuman strength. Basil took a step back, channeled the white flame through his sword, and stepped forward for another attack. William was very fast and raised his sword to block the attack as he punched with his left fist. Basil let the blade glide against Williams as ducked beside William. From his low stance, he turned around his left shoulder with blade in both hands and raised it up towards William’s head. The blade got a direct hit on the helm that moved it even further out of place. William should have fallen over by that hit but he just backed a few steps. His helmet now revealed a slight gap at the neck but something looked strange about it Basil felt. As if the armor was burning inside.
“Stop now! I order you to stop!” Friyena shouted.
William did not correct his helmet and instead dashed directly back towards Basil with sword raised. Basil stepped forward with his right foot and held his left foot back. When William’s attack came, Basil forced it down into the ground with his own sword as he moved beside William. As he turned he grabbed William’s helm by the neck and pulled as he could until it came loose. He threw the helm to the side and turned back towards William. Basil looked upon William. His hair was grey as ash and his skin was black and cracked as coal. Smoke elevated from the armor and around his head. A slight dim glow escaped from the cracks. William turned around and revealed his eyes. They were black and seemingly dead except for the slight dim glowing purple eyes. Basil did not know what to think. He was not really surprised but he had never thought Friyena would have created a monster of a human.
“My mission is to prepare the world for Moktaraktus. I love seeing the humans’ dance, sing, play and love for life. I want them to be happy forever without the fear of the abyss. I will do whatever it takes. I will do the most honorable and dishonorable things. I succeeded and I failed with so much but everything I do is to prepare for the day when Septhis arrives. For when Moktaraktus arrives, when Septhis brings the abyss we shall be ready and we shall destroy Septhis so that life will continue and the world will go on without fear. I will do whatever it takes Basil, I will even put you down if that is what I must do. Is it what I must do, Basil?” Friyena said
“How can you seek to use the abyss after you saw what the Margeficus did?” Basil said as he raised his sword that began to burn and glow even more.
Basil tore a piece of his cloth and wrapped it around the wound before he stood up. His leg hurt but he would falter again. Basil channeled more of the white flame so that his left arm began to hurt. He attacked William with flames widely spreading from his sword. William easily blocked it as he was still much faster but every strike from Basil seemed to burn onto his armor as the white flames overtook the black. William’s sword began to burn even more and more smoke left it. But as he channeled strength, so Basil. Basil channeled a flame stronger than he ever had before as he continued to attack William. The pain was screaming in his arm but he ignored it as best as he could.
The white and black flames twisted around them in the dark smoke. Drops began to fall onto the floor around them. Basil noticed his left arm had begun to bleed, heavily. The pain grew deeper and became more difficult to withstand. Basil was then pushed back by a kick from William. Basil coughed blood onto the floor before he stood up again. He did not his limits so he did care to follow them. Basil channeled of the flame as he possibly could. The pain felt as if his bone began to break into thousands of pieces inside his arm. The blood even began to burn up on the outside of his arm. Basil took both his hands around the blade and dashed towards William.
A sound echoed through the room. It sounded as if something cracked or broke. Basil just continued forward towards William. Basil struck from his left shoulder and down to his right hip. William swung towards Basil at the same time. Basil swung the blade and fell to the ground. He dropped the blade somewhere that he could not see. His head was spinning, he was in pain and his left arm was so numb it felt as if had been cut off. Basil looked towards Friyena who looked upon him in almost shock. Had he killed William? A few seconds passed before he heard the sound of metal walking over the stone floor. He then saw William walking to his helmet which he took up and put on. When he turned around, Basil saw a huge white glowing cut in breastplate. William then proceeded to walk towards a door in the back of the room.
The moment later the door in the front opened and the noise from many metal boots running on stone floor could was heard.
”My lady. What has happened?” said the guardian knight from earlier.
Two guards helped Basil up on his legs.
“This knight here. He raised his sword towards me.” Friyena said while looking at Basil with pity in her eyes.
“What? This knight? … Then the procedures shall be taken. Unless you wish otherwise my lady.” the knight said with a voice very doubtful. Friyena turned towards Basil.
“Basil. I give you this chance. Forget all of this and forgive what have happened. Plead yourself once again to me. If you do that, I shall let you go free. I will even let you leave the knighthood if would want.”
Basil looked upon Friyena without saying a word. Friyena understood his eyes clearly. She looked down in disappointment.
“Take him away” She said in an almost sad voice.
“You heard the lady. Take away the traitor.” Said the knight. Basil was led away and soon he was chained as well. Just before they left the room, he looked back and saw Friyena move aside the flowers from the throne and sit down. She lowered her head into her hands. Then the doors closed behind them.
Where had he gone? The sun was heading down in the west. Janet had been searching through the harbor, the barracks, the training grounds, the order’s library, stables and any other location she could think of for Basil but he were nowhere to be found. After she had searched for so long she began to believe that he had just been an imagination of her missing him. It had felt so real. Could it really have been her imagination? Aelia was probably right. She worried so much that she lost focus on reality. That made her think. Maybe she should speak to Aelia, she was quite good at getting her on her on other thoughts. So Janet began to walk back to the training grounds where Aelia was supposed to be training her soldiers.
As Janet was heading back towards the training grounds she was met by a couple of other knights that were walking towards the western plaza. They seemed worried and angry about something. Janet hurried up a little. She did not get very far to the training grounds before Aelia appeared before her. Aelia also looked worried and deep in thought.
“Aelia! Has something happened?” Janet almost shouted as she approached Aelia.
“Janet, You don’t know? A messenger recently came by and told us someone in the order had raised his sword against Friyena. He has been declared a traitor and is about punished for it.” She said.
Janet froze up. What if it’s Basil?
“What? Who? Why? When did it happen?” Janet asked worryingly.
“That was what we were told. We were not told who did it and why nor when.” said Aelia.
“Does the people know?” asked Janet.
“No but they will soon. This stuff will spread faster than fire.” Said Aelia.
Janet and Aelia continued towards the western plaza and spoke only a little during the way. As they came closer, more citizens began to crowd the streets in the same direction indication that what Aelia said was true. When Janet and Aelia came to the plaza, the people had already begun to gather. The so called traitor had not been brought yet but at the stairs stood a couple of knights, priests and some workers. At the sides of the stair platform the bowls had already been lit. In the middle of the platform stood a large black bowl with a small wooden platform behind it. On the sides of the bowl were two metal rings. More people arrived at the plaza and the shouts from the crowd became louder. “Bring out the traitor! Let him pay! How could anyone turn against our savior?” shouted them. Even the knights joined in the crowd for it was their order that being harmed by the traitor. Aelia wanted to cheer as well but resisted as she saw Janet’s worried expression.
Not before the crowd had reached tens of thousands spectators did the doors to the mansion behind up the stairs open. First came a captain of the palace guard, followed by two guardian knights, the high priest Kostavus, the royal family, the masters of the order and some other people with great power. The royal family and the masters of the order took their positions almost at the highest point of the stairs. Kostavus walked down in front of the black bowl.
“Citizens of Crastine! It is with a heavy heart that I must inform you that this morning. A noble and honorable knight of the order of Friyena broke his eternal oath and raised his sword towards the lady. Never have a crime of this magnitude occurred within the order itself. The order and her knights stand as beacons of light in this time of darkness. They are the sword that cuts through the monsters of the abyss and they are the shields that protect our people, our kingdom and our realm! The order has and will always be fighting for our sake.
The knight knew his honor, his oath and his purpose from the very day he bowed and received his blade. At the very moment he raised his sword towards the lady, he broke his honor, his oath and the perfection of the order that has never betrayed us nor the lady. Death is not a punishment for such action. There is only one punishment worthy of such traitorous act. The traitor shall be not be named for he does no longer deserve to bear the name he was given. His name shall be removed from the records and all mentions of him shall be destroyed. He shall become nameless as he and his name will be forgotten. His soul shall not go to the afterlife for he does not deserve death.
Bring out the traitor!
Upon his command, two priests stepped out of the doors holding some special kind of jugs in their hands. Behind them came four guards and in between them walked Basil, chained to his neck and arms.
“Basil!?” Janet almost shouted.
“Shhh! You should not speak his name anymore Janet. He is nameless now.” Aelia said also a little confused.
“What are you saying? He is our friend. We both know him. He cannot be a traitor.” Said Janet.
“Whatever he did, whatever reason he had, he knew the rules, the oath. He knew what would happen to him. It is his own fault and now he is nameless and a nameless does not have nor deserve friends.” Aelia said.
”I do not believe what you are saying. How can you say that? There must be some misunderstanding. Where is Friyena? She can stop this.” Janet said in denial towards Aelia as she backed away from her. At the front on the platform, the guards were just connecting the chains around Basil’s arms to the rings at the sides of the bowl and the chain around his neck to a ring at the bottom of the bowl. Janet looked towards Basil and then she turned around and began to run the quickest way towards the palace. She ran through huge crowds of people heading in the other direction. She ran straight towards the stables where Nadja was, she unleashed, and mounted her before she rode straight towards the palace as fast as she could.
On the way she accidently knocked down a couple of people that did not move out of the way fast enough as she shouted. When she approached the gates to the stairs, the guards raised their hands to make her stop. Janet did not stop so the guards had to jump out of the way as she rode straight past them and up the stairs. “Stop right there! Intrusion! Intrusion!” the guards shouted behind her. Janet rode up the stairs and then directly towards the palace. When the palace guards noticed her they tried to make a shield wall but as the horse came closer they jumped aside as well.
As Janet rode through the hallway, the guards shouted behind her. Soon guards began to run out from the different doors and hallways, trying to stop Janet but without succession. Janet rode straight up ant through the doors to Friyena’s chapel that were open. Two persons that stood in the room shouted as she rode past them and up through the left door into Friyena’s chamber.
“I’m sorry my lady. We tried to stop her but we will immediately bring her away.” said one of the guards.
“Leave us.” Friyena said.
“But my lady. She’s an intruder.”
“Leave us!” Friyena now shouted at the guards.
“Eh, of course, of course my lady.” The somewhat confused guard said before he ordered all the others to leave as well.
“You also William” Friyena then added when the guards were leaving.
William released Janet and walked to the door in the back of the room. Nadja in the front of the room had just begun to drink from the water canals at the flower garden.
“Friyena. They are making Basil to a nameless. You can stop it. You must help him.” Said Janet.
“I’m sorry Janet but I can’t save him. I tried to make him save himself but he refused.” said Friyena.
“I don’t understand. Why would he refuse to save himself?” said Janet.
“Something had happened to him in Dormania. His eyes spoke of meaningless murder and hatred. I thought I could save everyone from their hatred but I could not save him. If he had not turned against me he would have turned against someone else that he had sworn to protect.”
“Then why send him, why make him nameless. Why not just take his knighthood away from him?” said Janet.
“If the people found out that a knight had broken his oath and was among them. They would begin to question if any more people, powerful and dangerous as him would be among them. They would begin to doubt the order and the knights. The people need to trust their knights through everything.” Friyena said as she picked up a sheathed sword from beside her chair.
“But why making him nameless? Why not just execute him. Letting his name and memory remain?” said Janet.
“We never thought anyone would ever break the oath. We made sure that no one ever would. We were naïve. The people had to trust that no knight would ever betray their oath so the punishment for it was set as the most crucial possible. Because I thought no one would ever go through it, to become sent and nameless. I am sorry Janet. Basil was given his chance to redemption but he refused.” Said Friyena as she approached Janet and laid her hands around her.
Janet embrace Friyena. “I will never be able to forget him. I don’t want to forget him. I don’t care if he becomes nameless. He will always be Basil for me.”
Friyena let Janet embrace for a longer moment before she released her. She raised up the sword she had in both hands to Janet. “If anyone has the right to remember Basil then it is you Janet.”
Janet looked up at Friyena and at the sword. She would recognize it anywhere. The Flame Song. Something looked strange about it though. Janet took the blade and felt a strange feeling, as if the blade was burning even though she did not channel any flame through it. She drew the sword out of its sheath and saw that the blade had been seemingly broken into tens of pieces but each piece was being held together by streams of white glowing cracks that began as one large at the base and spread out into many further out.
“What happened to it?” Janet asked.
“Somehow, Basil’s flame was so strong that it broke the blade without destroying it. Not even I know how he could do it.” said Friyena.
Janet channeled a slight amount of the flame and she felt how the it spread through the cracks and left a more focused and stronger flame. Janet sheathed the blade and reached it to Friyena.
“The sword is yours by right. May it serve you well.”
Janet held the sword in her arms and brought it closer to her breast. There was nothing she could do now to save Basil. All she could do was to remember him so he did not turn truly nameless
--------------------------------
The crowd were shouting and pointing towards Basil. He did not listen as he was looking out over them, trying to find Janet. After a while he found Aelia who looked back at him but he could not see Janet. Did she even know or was she keeping away to avoid see what would happen to him? That she was not there made him more happy than sad. He did not want her to see him. The high priest continued to speak his speech but it sounded just like mumbling to Basil. “Nameless” was one of few words he caught but also “savior Friyena”. Basil got enough of the lies so he shouted out.
“Friyena is not a savior! The gods does not care about any of us! They wanted to sacrifice us! It was they who sent the Margeficus. It was them who killed all of your loved ones! Don’t trust the gods! Don’t trust Friyena!” Basil shouted in anger.
The crowd was shocked but the high priest quickly began to speak. “Don’t listen to the traitor. He betrayed the goddess and he would betray any of you! Silence the nameless traitor and let his punishment arrive!”
A guard wrapped a cloth around Basil’s mouth and then the two priests arrived beside him with their jugs. The high priest began to speak in ancient language “Efilmi’ara ashnio ofur ochu aha’kon efuri eshurien. Verfuru eshun et’efor vahu esun eri akon’foralt. Akon’foralt.” The crowd cheered “akon’foralt” over and over. The two priests removed screwed off an iron lid from the jugs and began to pour a black liquid into the bowl while the crowd still cheered. The high priest raised his hand to silence the crowd. Zieaka don, Zieaka aeston, Zieaka kisaron, Zieaka akon he said.
The priest now poured more black liquid but over Basil’s head. As soon as the liquid touched his head he screamed of pain. It felt very cold at the same time as it burned through his flesh. The liquid burned his skin as it streamed down his face, leaving a burned grey black surface. Black smoke began to rise from him. The black liquid in the bowl now began to crawl up the chain and onto Basil, burning him. The liquid spread over him, burning his skin black, his hair grey, his clothes dark and his eyes began to lose their colour. Basil felt his life trying to escape but it was trapped by the liquid. Everything began to turn silent and dark. Then when He was not strong enough to stand against it, he fell forward down into the bowl and sank until he was gone. Trapped in the abyss.
End of act 4
I have just finished the prologue of the story.
Since I this time seek to make a real book and story out of this, I would like to ask you guys if anyone is willing to read it and give feedback on the writing and story approaches. I have a few friends irl that will help me but more is just better.
I might post some chapters here on this forum but for the most part I will send word documents by male.
So those that want to help can expect some random dude with a bunch of paperwork at their doorstep someday.
Hurr hurr.
For real though. I would love any help I could get. I don't need help for at least a couple of months so I talk mainly about November and forward if I get to that stage.
I wish you the best of luck on writing your book!
Thanks guys!
Now I haven't been able to get as much time for writing as I first intended but I have gotten up the speed now in October.
Writing a book with publishing intentions makes it much more nerve wrecking to write, at least id does for me. In a way, more time has been spent to convince myself that it might work and also keeping myself from floating away into distant dreams and hoping too much.
I am very close to finish chapter 1 and I had planned to finish chapter 3 or 4 before I send out them for test reading.
I will try to keep up the pace more and finish these chapters before Christmas and send them out to you and other eventual test readers.
My goal is at least 100.000-140.000 words for the finished book and I am right now at 8.000 with an aim of 500 per day so that should lead to a finished book in later spring.
So I am not dead and I am still writing.
I'll try to update the progress at least once per month from now-on.
If I fail to do that, I give you the official permission to call me "sleepyhead" and "lollygagging sloth".
I know there is more pressure as you write with publishing intentions. My only advice is that you keep it out of your mind as you write, and do the same thing for other unnecessary thoughts. Think of nothing else except the story you're working on.
Can't wait until I can test read the first chapters of the story! I'll keep my thumbs up for you, even if you don't remember to update regularly!
Yeah. The mental weight is rather heavy but it goes in waves. Sometimes I read way too much into how to write a book and all guidelines and requirements quickly become overwhelming, especially since I write in English which is not even my mother tongue.
Other times I read that I should "screw the rules" and just write. See where I get and try to make the best of it.
I have begun reading A game of thrones in English and it made me realize that it is all just text, like mine. There is almost that I think my work have an advantage since I use a simpler language without harming the world building, hopefully.
I have now written 11.600 words. The first chapter became very long at 7.000 words and the prologue at 3.000. I plan for the second and third chapter to be not more than 5.000 words but we'll see about that.
@Bowler218 I could let you read these first test chapters. I would however need you to give back critic that I can use to make it better.
@Everyone I have now finished the second chapter and is on 15 300 words. That is for prologue and two chapters. I got stuck at one place and only managed to write a few hundred words in four days so it took longer than anticipated.
Since my word count is so large already and I feel I want more to be told. I have thought about expanding the two first chapters into three instead. This however will have to wait for the first or second edit.
As I have earlier mentioned. I will write the first three chapters (or four if I expand) before I send them to you guys for test reading. I will make one or two edits before then but not more since I want the first manuscript to be finished before I make any hard dedicated editing.
Since this time I am making an actual book, I would like to remain in control of what I choose to post so I will not post any real chapters in this forum. Instead I will send the test reads on mail to those of you who want to participate and have given me a mail address.
[Wait for confirmation from Corwinnn before you send your mail.]
I will now do a rough edit of these chapters and the prologue. I will make finer edits when I have reached further into the story. When I am finished with that I will send out a file to those of you who have provided me with an email to send it to. So those of you who want to help me, please send me your mail addresses.
As I said earlier. I don't want to post this story anymore where I am not in direct control.
What I would like as feedback is mainly how the language is working. If there is anything that feels outright bad or good. If the narrative is not connected well enough to the rest and anything you can think of.
I seek constructive critic that can help this story maybe become something that resembles a book series one day so be critical about it. Thank you.
Even just one single sentence that describes what you feel about the story does also work as feedback.
Of course I can't force you to give me feedback if you don't want to. But if you don't give me feedback I will reconsider sending you any additional chapters in the future.
So @TenebrisNemo @Lujikul @Bowler218 @shadow123 and anyone else that is willing to test read these chapters. Please send me a PM.
Let me ask the squirrel.
*Breaks through wooden wall in Corwinnn's tree-palace.*
@Corwinnn Yo! Can I do that? I mean asking for people's mail, not breaking through wooden walls in tree-palaces.
*Breaks out of another wall*
I am sorry that it is taking so much time. I promised to make a rough edit but it almost became more of a complete rewrite instead which is taking much more time. Also with Christmas around I did not make many pages of work.
I will hopefully soon be able to send out this new draft to you all. After I have done that I will change my method. Instead of writing a couple of chapters and then editing them, I will instead write the whole book with only spelling corrections now and then. This will leave a rougher first draft but the end result will probably either be better, take considerably less time in total or both.
I will go through this a little more after I have sent out the draft to you.
I have finally finished the rewrite.
It took much longer than I had anticipated but at least it is finished.
To keep my sanity, I won't make an edit on the rewritten material before the complete first draft is finished.
At the moment you read this, I should have sent you the first part.
If you want to give ant feedback on this, I'll appreciate it.
But of course this is only a first draft that will be improved further, quite much further, in the future.
For the rest of the book, I will continually write until I have finished it and I will do so without any deeper edits such as this rewrite was. I will however do spelling and minor corrections between certain milestones and then distribute the parts to those who wants to read them.
When I have finished the book I will begin with the rough editing, and then finer and finer editing. I have thus also left the formatting until then.
Also, many names, locations and events are still preliminary so they may come to change in the future. I left more than neccesarily in these chapters so that I can remove them later if they can either be moved or doesn't add enough.
I hope you'll find some entertainment in my writing, now or later.
Hello! How is everything going this dark January month? Have you been able to start "smelling" on my material (Kind of Swedish proverb)
If so. What do you guys think? Is there some potential in it or is it still too unrefined to give any indications?
I will soon continue writing after taking a short break. I will then do as I said earlier and write to finish the book with minor spell-checks now and then.
The next sharing will happen approximately after 3-5 chapters, when Basil have arrived in Crastine.
I will also not send out any further chapters on mail but instead upload them to a shared drive of some sort that you will get access to.