Fix my cards here, please.

ReizonReizon
edited November 2019 in Custom Card Discussion
MY LINK: https://mtgcardsmith.com/user/Reizon


image

Probably... but then again, you need TEN lands in play, and its not exactly cheap to play either.

Comments

  • TomigonTomigon
    It's not overpowered. But the wording needs a lot more work..
    ----------------
    Gatekeeper 10 (Cast this spell only if you control 10 or more lands.)

    Triple strike (This creature deals first-strike, regular, and last-strike combat damage.)

    Whenever Three-Headed Artanasaur deals combat damage for the second and the third time each turn, you lose 6 life.

    {3}, {t}: Three-Headed Artanasaur deals 3 damage to each of up to three targets.
    ----------------

    *Gatekeeper is a mechanic with only downside. Basically WotC doesn't keyword the ability with only downside.
    *I assumed you meant triple strike by "triple attack". https://scryfall.com/card/ust/99/three-headed-goblin
    Triple strike is a keyword ability, so you can't add texts after that except other keyword abilities.
    *In the activated ability, don't forget to use colon and identify damage source. Those are very important. https://mtgcardsmith.com/blog/making-cards-more-relistic

    If you want to get feedback on your cards, I recommend you to word your cards more realistically.
    Scryfall, Gatherer's advanced search are very useful for research.
    https://scryfall.com/advanced
  • ReizonReizon
    edited November 2019
    One BIG problem, not enough room for the text that way. Sorry.

    New Version(THANKS!):

    image
  • KorandAngelsKorandAngels
    Use < i > and < / i > to do Itallics (Only remove the spaces between the characters)
  • ReizonReizon
    THAT I knew all too well, and I've been using it.
  • TomigonTomigon
    I only translated your card to understand it myself. I'm not suggesting to change it that way lol
    Try something more simple, with less downside. (Because half of that card's text is about downside.)

    {3}{r}{r} Creature, Uncommon
    {2}{r}, {t}: Three-Headed Artanasaur deals 3 damage divided as you choose among one, two, or three targets.
    [4/3]
  • ReizonReizon
    Downside makes the card more powerful, and that's the plan. By paying those costs, your looking at a killer card. Cost 12 life to do 18 damage. But the cost on the lesser triggered ability, now that's something.

    You see, part of the deck theme is to do more with less manna costs.
  • ReizonReizon
    edited November 2019
    Here's ONE big reason why:

    image

    Many of my cards could use rewording... I see the difference on this one already.
  • KorandAngelsKorandAngels
    Sorry.
  • sorinjacesorinjace
    @Reizon are you working on a set? There seems to be a lot of izzet and tap to the set as well to me. I don't know why, but your cards are reminding me of Crackleburr, are you familiar with that card?

    Well your last card, my only question is idk if other players (while yes they are able to pay the ability) I don't know if other players who don't physically control Harsh Logistics can actually tap it to activate the ability? Maybe make the last ability so that it doesn't need to be tapped to avoid confusion? If they are allowed, then that's ok, I just was offering a suggestion. :)
  • ReizonReizon
    @sorinjace I was thinking about removing that altogether... replacing it with text. There's cards to eliminate it, so it's doable.
  • ReizonReizon
    Now, the campaign is leading to Rakdos and their enemy first. It will introduce TWO new forms of energy: Thunder and Frost. That's the results of chaos and justice, but the question is whether I will win FOREST or SWAMP. Forest leads to Eldraine, while Swamp leads to Eldrazi, then the latter will be achieved.
  • sorinjacesorinjace
    I had an idea: you are using 'energy', right? Why not use the energy counters take them to the next level?
  • ReizonReizon
    Hm, that would work if they reject the new lands. Knowing how elitist they are over the format presently within magic, I fear you would be right, so I will definitely do that.
  • ReizonReizon
    @sorinjace - Could we do a simulated duel? We need a third person to simulate the draws with this campaign. You play the averions, and I try to beat them with Imerian heroes.
  • sorinjacesorinjace
    I dont have the capability to do that at this time, I'm sorry Reizon. I'll keep tabs on your progress though and offer some tips or ideas if you are ok with that?
  • ReizonReizon
    ty
  • KorandAngelsKorandAngels
    edited November 2019
    This possibly might be useful even though it might not be:
    https://mtgcardsmith.com/blog/making-cards-more-relistic
  • murkletinsmurkletins
    Definitely insightful.
  • ReizonReizon
    … I'm not too picky on wording, but dang, must I witness grammar Nazis?
  • Suicidal_DeitySuicidal_Deity
    Proper wording is essential to legitimate card building.

    You don't need to follow the guidelines, but you'll never improve otherwise and in time you run the risk of losing people to validate or aid in your card building if they see the same errors repeated time and time again.

    Also, on this specific post I find a disconnect between asking for help and where you actually want/need help. It's fairly new, but i see the effort put forth by others is either countered or ignored.

    I would suggest formulating this post to properly reflect what you'd like help with. Just a blanket "fix my cards" is clearly to broad a statement to receive the help you want. To save everyone some time, that's probably the best thing to do.
  • ReizonReizon
    thanks, I was just griping...
This discussion has been closed.