I need help wording a card.

I asked for feedback on my card, Zikk and Jaah, Twin Kobolds, and I was told that apparently you can activate its ability multiple times, which is problematic because of what the ability does. How should I word it so that you only activate the ability once each time creatures you control attack, without having to tap the card?
https://mtgcardsmith.com/view/zikk-and-jaah-twin-kobolds

Comments

  • I think the wording might be a bit off anyway, because it might be possible to activate the ability at the wrong time?
  • As previously mentioned, I believe a more accurate wording would be "Whenever you attack with one or more creatures...". See: https://scryfall.com/card/cma/35/curse-of-inertia (effect activates only once no matter how many creatures attack).

    Whereas the current wording is closer to: https://scryfall.com/card/cma/92/beastmaster-ascension (multiple triggers for multiple attacks).
  • Ps. The card has a typo; It says 'If you do' Twice.
  • Hey,

    I believe the card is still not 100% well-templated, here are the errors I found:


    1) When you give abilities to creatures, you use the word "have". However, when you give them P/T modificators, you should use the word "get". For instance: 




    2) It's not you who attacks but the creatures. Therefore, the trigger should be "Whenever one or more creatures you control attack". For instance: 



    3) As you mentioned, you wrote "If you do" twice.

    4) There's probably a simpler and shorter way to count the creatures since counting the number of creatures that attacked this turn would get confusing in case of double attack step. The ability triggers when creatures attack, just count the number of attacking creatures!

    5) I'm pretty sure there's a missing word in the last ability. Was it supposed to drain the opponent and the word "loses" is missing? It probably should be "You gain 1 life and target opponent loses 1 life."

    6) Not a templating problem per se, but you should know that — if you indeed want the card to drain the opponent — white can't do that. So the black/white hybrid symbol should be replaced with a black symbol.

    7) Also not a templating problem, but the way this is worded right now means you must declare a target for the ability whenever you attack, even if you can't or won't pay for it. As it can be a bit annoying, I suggest using a reflexive trigger instead. This way, you target the opponent only when you pay the cost. This means changing "if you do" into "when you do". If you choose to use this templating, I'd recommend putting the "target opponent" part closer to the "when you do" so people dont forget to declare their target.


    So here's my final templating I suggest for your card:


    Zikk and Jaah, Twin Kobolds
    2RR
    Legendary Creature — Kobold Warrior
    2/2
    Other creatures you control get +1/+0.
    Whenever one or more creatures you control attack, you may pay {B}. When you do, target opponent loses 1 life and you gain 1 life.
  • (The reason I have the lifegain so much higher than life loss is because I need it to be Mardu identity So I need the lifegain to be higher, and depending on the amount of creatures you attack with is pretty fair I don't even know what a "double combat phase" is. Both colours can do life gain, and if it's in w/r and they only lose 1 life, it's a pretty small colour pie break.)
    I noticed most of that stuff myself, which is why I released a third version: 
    https://mtgcardsmith.com/view/zikk-and-jaah-twin-kobolds-2
  • @KorandAngels A "double combat phase" is probably a reference to cards that give you additional combat phases. To give an example in case you don't know what I mean:

  • edited March 18
    KorandAngels @MemoryHead
    Absolutely, I know it sounds weird but if you attack, have some creatures that die, then cast relentless Assault and attack again, the card would still count the dead creatures if it's counting creatures that attacked this turn. Counting attacking creatures is just cleaner ^^

    The new version is almost there but you left some mistakes here and there:

    • Is it normal that it now gives +1/+1 instead of +1/+0? Also, it's currently boosting the opponents' creatures which is weird, is that intended?

    • "When you do" needs a capital W.

    •"For each creature that attacked this combat" simplifies the previous issue but is still twice as long as "for each attacking creature", so a printed card would still not use this templating.

    • No need for a comma before "and target opponent".
  • Boosting opponents is unintended, I think I put in a You control clause in one of the versions, but boosting only power is the point.  I remembered I could say "For each attacking creature" after I made the card but to be honest I'm sick of making the same card over and over.
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